Read Unworthy: Marked to die. Raised to survive. for Free Online

follows.
    Coming to naming ceremonies is something of a rite of passage for us. We feel we’re grown up, invited into the women’s world, and we get to see what goes on. I had been so excited to come to my first, four years ago. The doctor had gone into a separate room where the mother and baby were, the inspection took place, and they had come out together, all smiles. The baby was fighting fit, without even a shadow of infection.
    Tonight, the large room is crammed full, just as it was four years ago. Women lean against the walls or sit on the floor, catching up with news. The energy radiating from the group is palpable – squeeze this many bodies into a small space and the resulting buzz is deafening. It looks as though the examination is still in progress and I have to wait with them. I can’t see Auntie Marama anywhere, but I’m guessing she’s with Chloe and the doctor.
    I slide around the door and fit myself against the wall beside it, silently begging not to be noticed.
    My plea goes unanswered. I hear a hush start near me and begin to spread. I don’t look up. I don’t need to; I can feel their eyes on me. For a moment the room quietens, and then, a little self-consciously, the buzz of conversation resumes.
    I have known these women all my life. They are my family – they live in my section of Greytown, but there is no love here. At best, they mistrust me, and keep their distance. At worst -
    “What is she doing here?” the sharpness of the voice cuts through the chatter in the room. I keep my head down, but lift my eyes to see a woman wearing a wild expression, her finger outstretched towards me. I lower my eyes again, and try to disappear.
    “Shh, don’t make a fuss, Marnia,” another voice soothes. I know them both. Marnia and her sister, Totara. Marnia was the mother at my first Naming Ceremony, and is in her early twenties.
    “I’m not making a fuss, Tara. She shouldn’t be here.” I can hear that she is coming my way and inwardly I groan. I suck in a deep breath, steeling myself for the onslaught.
    “You. Out.” Right in front of me now, I can see her boots just about toe to toe with mine.
    “I’m here for Chloe,” I mutter.
    Looking up, I see her wide, dark brown eyes locked onto my face. She looks furious, unhinged.
    “It’s alright, Marnia.” Totara is at her elbow, trying to calm her. “She’s only here because she has to be. She won’t make any trouble.” She shoots me a look, and I nod.
    Marnia fixes me with her cold eyes, as though assessing whether it’s the truth. She then raises her voice so that she can be heard from wall to wall. “I had a perfect baby boy. He was examined and found worthy. Hearty and hale. The doctor said so. You all heard his strong lungs, and you all held his strong body. He was perfect… until she touched him!”
    The room has gone silent. They will have heard her talk like this before, but never so publicly, and to my face. Four years have not dulled the steel of her blame, and she focuses it on me. There is nowhere for me to go. Our audience holds its collective breath, waiting to see how this will play out.
    “It was a tragedy,” I say, weakly. “The doctor must have missed something… I didn’t do anything…”
    “You kissed him,” she hisses at me, her voice low, daring me to deny it.
    It is true. We’d been gathered in the same room as tonight. After the doctor had proclaimed the baby as Whole, his forehead was ceremonially cleansed with honey water, he was named Tane, and some ceremonial words were said. Then the women had all stepped forward one by one to kiss him and I had been amongst them. It’s always done this way.
    That night the baby had died. There was no cause or explanation to be found… he had just died. Deaths of babies and of young children is simply a part of life in the hub, but not usually so soon after being named Whole.
    Bearing the mark of the Unworthy, my life had been rather difficult until that point. There