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for last night anyway, babyface—it was fun. You made me smile, I’ve been kinda blue lately. Well, really blue, actually.”
     
    He sat up in my bed, resting on his elbows “Nah, thank you! You’re fun; can I see you again tonight?”
     
    I looked at my painted nails, realizing they were looking particularly feral and chipped as I tried to get my brush through my disheveled hair. “I don’t know—I don’t want this to turn into…”
     
    He sat up, letting the sheets fall to his waist. “Into what?”
     
    I hopped up and down as I tried to wriggle into my work pants, while still desperately trying to pacify my hair. “Um, a habit.”
     
    “Huh?” he said, getting out of bed fully starkers and standing in the sunlight as it beamed off his tight bod.
     
    I looked him up and down, “You’re not shy, are you? Your jeans are over there.” I pointed to the pile of rubble at the end of my bed. “Good luck—don’t be surprised if you come across a roach, this place is icky… I really should tidy more.”
     
    I hurried forward and gave him a peck on his soft, boyish face. “I’m really late, Josh. I can’t get fired, or I’ll be living in a cardboard box outside the Duomo! Please help yourself to some breakfast if you want, and just be sure to give the door a big yank on your way out.”
     
    “How long will you be at work?” he asked, pulling on his college t-shirt.
     
    I ran out the door and said behind me, “Eight, nine hours. I don’t know—depends on the boss and her mood; she’s pretty crabby. Bye!” I waved playfully as he stood there with the same lost look plastered across his face that I had seen the night before.
     
    Weeks passed, and Josh did turn into a habit.
    A boyish, bonking habit.
     
    Although he put the spring back into my step, and the blue haze I had been stuck in lifted when I was around him, I just couldn’t get Danny out of my mind.
     
    His masculinity,
    His roughness ,
    His being ,
    His…
    Everything.
     
     
     

7
     
    “So?” Jess smiled at me, almost Cheshire cat-like.
     
    I tried to play dumb. “So… what?”
     
    She elbowed me in the ribs playfully. “How are you getting on with Lambo boy?”
     
    I laughed. “Oh, um… he’s young.”
     
    “Keen, though—right?”
     
    I blushed. “Yeah, he’s keen. He went and bought a Kama Sutra book a week or so ago and has been wanting to try out all the moves. He reckons he’s learning a lot and is…”
     
    “Is what?” She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands, eagerly waiting for my next word.
     
    I shrugged, giggling. “Grateful?”
     
    She smiled widely. “Do you like him?”
     
    “He’s really young, Jess. It’s not like this is really going to go anywhere. But you know, he’s a good kid. He’s not a mind-fucker, you know? What you see with him is pretty much what you get, and I like that. He’s a really lovely guy.”
     
    She smirked at me, leaning forward as her charm bracelet jingled. “Have you been bonking like rabbits?”
     
    I covered my ears playfully. “Jess. Stop! You’re so graphic.”
     
    “You have, haven’t you!” she clapped her hands, laughing gleefully.
     
    “We’ve had quite a lot of sex, yeah. It’s been fun—I do like him.”
     
    And I did. If I could have put myself in a freezer to stop the aging process so he could catch up to me, I would have. He was a sweet kid. But that was the problem—he was a kid . A baby-faced, sweet puppy dog. And I wanted a big, sexy, know-what-I’m-doing, know-what-I-want-to-do-to- you kind of man. I wanted Daniel.
     
    I couldn’t get him out of my mind. No matter how much I rode brown eyes, or how desperately Josh tried to get me horny, even though it was good—it wasn’t that good. Compared to Danny, we weren’t even having sex. What Danny and I did that night, was raw, untamed—hot. How I wanted him— it —back, and the feeling of him inside of me. Even though months had passed, part of me could still