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company was
'going to last for sure' but that I was 'statistically not going to be around
forever' right? Did I get that right?"
    Alyssa's temples pounded like they hadn't since
she and Bret had the fight that broke them apart after a year and a half of
relationship. That was only three weeks ago, and it still made her teeth crawl
to think about.
    "I just don't get it, Bret. I really don't. Did
something happen with the business?"
    Silence.
    "Oh. So that's it. Something happens with the
business and you figure you may as well call me to talk about it because that's
all I'm good for?" The sharpness in Alyssa's voice echoed in the phone.
    "No, it isn't like that, not at all. I just really
miss you. I miss waking up and calling you first thing in the morning. I miss
smelling the shampoo in your hair. I just miss you."
    She sighed again.
    "This isn't the first time I've heard this crap
from you, Bret. You know that as well as I. Why do you keep doing this to me?
If you really cared, you'd leave it alone. You'd let me get my mind around
everything that's happened lately and get myself back together." Lys's eyes got
blurry and she wiped at them.
    "Why, Bret? If you can answer that, I'll let you
say whatever you want. I might even respond."
    For a moment, there was no speaking. She only
heard breathing from his end of the line. Then he sniffed.
    "Was that a real sniffle?"
    "Alyssa..."
    "Sorry, that was mean."
    "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't be doing this to
you, but, yeah. I mean, I realized in the last couple of days, maybe a week,
that I really screwed up with you. We had a good thing going and I got all
obsessive about the company and fuc – uh, sorry, I mean I messed it all up."
    "It's okay." She couldn't help but giggle at his
self-correction. For most of the time they dated, Lys had a mouth that Bret
constantly described as "sailor-salty" and hounded her to clean up. After she
calmed down a little, he picked up the habit, which never failed to entertain
her. "Go on, please."
    "Okay. Well, that's most of what I needed to tell
you. I hope that five years from now, or ten, or whenever it is that you're
settled down with a great guy, living like a queen, with the little brood of
kids you've always wanted, you don't remember me as the world's biggest assho –
sorry. Again."
    "Really," she said. "It's okay."
    "About the cursing?"
    "I don't give a shit about your cursing." They
both laughed. "I don't care about that. I don't think you're the biggest
asshole in the world, or the country, or even the state. You're not even the
biggest asshole that I've ever known. Really. We're just in different places."
    "Okay," he said, and exhaled. "Thanks, Alyssa.
Thanks for listening to me. It means a lot. You deserve so much better than I
can give you."
    Alyssa cleared her throat.
    "No, I really don't. Did you hear the way I went
on attack mode with you just then? I'm a hothead. I get all worked up over
absolutely nothing and think the world is coming for me. I'm a hedgehog."
    "Hedgehogs don't have hair that smells like
yours."
    She felt a hot blush creep down her cheeks, and
cracked a smile, in spite of herself.
    "If they used the same shampoo, they probably
would." Alyssa's eyes moved along the line down the middle of the table, where
a leaf would go if there was any reason to feed ten people.
    "I want you to be happy. Really, I do." Bret said,
in that low-toned voice that he won her over with in the first place.
    She heard him say something, but her attention was
completely taken by the very top of a chimney, way off in the distance. The
Webb house, invisible from everywhere but right where she sat, grabbed her
imagination like it did when she was a child. From here it was probably a mile
or more away, she wasn't really sure, but it was sufficiently far to be barely
a speck. She thought back, again, to that kind old man who taught her about
which mushrooms were safe to pick and eat, and which ones would get her the
most money at the farmer's