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you have to get used to. There were also bois who couldn’t hack it, who didn’t meet Pan’s expectations, who had to go. Neverland was the kind of place where we could be anything we wanted, everything we never believed was possible before we got lost. Pan would forgive his bois for pretty much anything, except growing up. It’s harsh, but once a boi grows up, Pan just forgets he ever existed.
    That horrible day when Wendi came, Siren and Kelpie were at Neverland. Pan had told Kelpie that he would takeher out to the roller derby. He knew the dyke working the door, and she had promised to let them in for free. Kelpie is a big femme who cuts the crotch out of her fishnet stockings to help them fit over her thick thighs and, let’s be real, to save time. She’s kinda the closest thing that Pan’s ever had to a grrrlfriend. Kelpie danced at the peep-show place by the Interstate, and Pan liked to surprise her at the end of her shift, when she traded stilettos for boots and threw her bleach-stiffened pink hair into pigtails. Kelpie is tough, but her face always softened into a smile when she pushed open the heavy black door, stepped into the alley behind the club, and saw Pan leaning against a dumpster. He never told her that he was coming, but luckily for him, she never had plans that couldn’t be ditched for milkshakes and fries at the all-night diner. Kelpie was tender and soft with Pan in a way she couldn’t be with anyone else. She told him things, let him touch her in a way that no one else could. Kelpie was close to all us bois; she respected us and our role in Pan’s life, but she also wanted more than Pan could give. The week before Wendi arrived, Kelpie’d asked Pan if he would start calling her his grrrlfriend.
    Siren and I had been messing around together for a few months, at that point. Mostly, we saw each other when Pan wasn’t around. Its not that we bois weren’t allowed to hook up, it’s just that Pan preferred that us bois kept our external entanglements simple, so that our primary focus was on service to him. Sometimes he had to help us, to forbid us fromseeing someone. I was always grateful when that happened, because it helped me to keep my focus on what mattered most.
    Siren and Kelpie were as close as Pan and I were, and so when Kelpie and Pan were going to meet up at Neverland to go on their date, Siren tagged along. All afternoon, Kelpie waited for Pan to show up. Siren and I tried to keep her occupied with stories and snacks, but as evening stretched into night, she finally gave up. Kelpie pulled on her boots, reapplied her lip gloss, and went into the bathroom, emerging a few moments later with eyes glazed and far away, tugging the sleeves of her shirt down quickly. Siren offered to go to the roller derby with her, out of Mermaid solidarity, but Kelpie refused, saying that she was going to bike up to the arena. Not twenty minutes after she left, I was lying on the floor on an old sleeping bag with Siren when Tink flew in through the jagged glass of a broken window. Siren had just reapplied her cherry lipstick and lit a cigarette. Curled up on the sleeping bag wearing only stockings and a lacy bra, Siren was ready to pounce. I groaned as Tink pecked me hard while I struggled to get Pan’s letter out of her harness.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  Bois—
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  On my way to Neverland. Be ready to present yourselves.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  Have two new hammocks prepared.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  —Pan
    As I read the note, Tink soared to the rafters to sulk. I threw the crumpled paper down next to me and groaned. Siren looked so beautiful—I mean she always does, but I don’t think she believed that, no matter how many times I told her. As she read Pan’s note, her face went hard. She didn’t like that Pan had stood up Kelpie, that he seemed to