in my hand and I knew it meant my body was fighting too hard against the pain. It was a battle I couldn’t win and I needed to take a pain pill. It was at that moment I realized just how I might be able to start breaking through her wall again.
“I didn’t know. You have to believe that I didn’t know, Pixie,” I repeated her words from what felt like forever ago when she was apologizing for Adam.
She finally looked up, her eyes scanning my face closely. Reaching out, she brushed at the damp hair that was stuck to my forehead with sweat.
“You look like hell,” she said quietly, her eyes brimming with tears.
“I need you,” I said, using the three words I’d said to her in the hospital when I wanted her to crawl into the bed with me so I could relax. She closed her eyes, clearly fighting her emotions as she nodded. I wanted to lift her up — oh hell, did I ever — and carry her to our bed, but I knew I’d never make it.
And honestly, she would probably get pissed off if I tried.
I used the wall to help push myself to my feet and held out a hand to Lili. She accepted and I pulled her to her feet, keeping her hand in mine as I led us toward our room. She didn’t speak but I knew she was uneasy. Her nerves were making me nauseous.
She released my hand as we entered the room, moving to the bed and shoving the blankets back. I grabbed my pajama pants from behind the pillow before sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I’m… going to change and get you some water,” she said, snatching her shorts and tank top and slipping out before I could protest.
Tonight, what had almost happened between us, it probably should’ve changed things. Maybe it would have if Lizzie hadn’t interrupted. Now things were… awkward.
We had become comfortable with each other but Lili was clearly far from comfortable before she darted out of the room. I stood long enough to remove my jeans. I would’ve given anything for a shower to get rid of the reek of cigarette smoke clinging to my hair but it would have to wait until morning. I pulled the pajama pants up my legs and tugged the shirt over my head — trying to remove at least one more offensive article of clothing — and tossed it toward the closet door. The movement caused a piercing pain across my chest and I sucked in a sharp breath as I attempted to lie back to stretch.
Lili walked in, her eyes widening as she hurried over and slid the water onto my nightstand. “Here.” She placed her arms behind my shoulders, bracing me the way the nurses had shown her to help control my body weight while my muscles continued to heal. Once I was angled against the pillows, she grabbed the bottle of pills from my nightstand and shook two out into her palm. Two would knock me on my ass for at least ten hours and there was no way I could afford to be that out of it with everything going on. I needed to talk to her.
I shook my head and she sighed, dropping one pill into my hand before grabbing the water. She took the bottle once I’d swallowed it and sat with it in her lap, still rolling the other pill between her fingers. I could almost hear her thoughts as she debated how to get me to take it.
“We need to talk,” I said, reaching over slowly to brush her hair behind her ear so I could see her face. She let the pill roll into her palm and stared at it, closing her small fist around it before lifting her eyes to mine. I saw the pain there and it tore at me worse than the wound in my chest. When the first tears fell, I was struggling to sit up so I could reach her. She moved closer, straddling my legs and resting against my thighs so I wouldn’t sit up. I cupped her face in both hands, pulling it to mine so our foreheads were touching while her tears fell between us.
“I don’t… not tonight. Please? Can we please just sleep? I need to not think about it. That’s what I really need tonight. Can we? Please? I just… I just want to sleep,” she rambled, not looking away from