about any of this shit! You haven’t said a word to me about it!” I yelled , grabbing my side as the exertion sent a shockwave of the pain I’d drank away to the forefront of my mind.
“Are you okay?” Lizzie asked, stepping closer as I nearly tripped, my free hand reaching behind me to find the wall so I could lean on it.
“I’m fine. You can go,” I said flatly, taking shallow breaths as I worked through the ache. The effects of the alcohol that had still been clouding my mind when I got home were gone. I needed to lie down. But first, I needed to talk to Lili.
“Are you sure? Do you need —”
“No. I don’t need anything other than for you to leave, Lizzie. Now.”
She stared at me, clearly shocked at my insistence. I took a few deep breaths before I straightened up and walked past her toward the front door.
“I mean it. Don’t come here again. I’ll call you when I set up the test,” I said as I held open the door. She stood in the entry, the tears in her eyes clawing at my resolve. “Look, you know if this kid is mine, I’m going to step up and take care of it. Hell, you can’t honestly think I would shut out my own child. I didn’t even shut out Conner when I found out the truth.”
“I know. You’re a great father to Conner and I know you will be to our new child.” Lizzie stepped forward, not wiping at the tear that fell to her cheek as she leaned her forehead into my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders automatically, not embracing but trying to comfort her. I remembered vividly how emotional Lizzie was when she was pregnant with Conner so I gave her a light squeeze, trying to soften the blow as I stepped away.
“This doesn’t change things between us, though. I’m with Lili,” I said, not meaning my words to hurt Lizzie but wanting to be clear about where I stood. “I’m in love with her.” I could see Lizzie’s body tense, clearly not liking what I said.
“I understand .” Her voice was darker and she didn’t look up at me before she headed out the open door. I stood, watching until she was backing out of the drive, my brain finally catching up to the situation.
The walk to Tish’s room seemed longer than normal and I could feel the sweat on my forehead as I ignored the quickly rising discomfort. Skipping the pain medicine in order to go to work with Lili, coupled with our activities after our fight, had taken its toll on my body. I paused at Tish’s door, listening to the silence inside. I could feel every punishing beat of my heart. The ache of it against the still healing ribs reverberated all the way to my toes.
When I opened the door, I would have a lot to answer for. No, I hadn’t known Lizzie was pregnant but something told me that wouldn’t be the biggest concern on Lili’s mind. And honestly, she was the only one I was worried about. I turned the knob, taking note of the clammy sweat on my palms as I pushed the door open.
My eyes immediately scanned the room, spotting Tish and Kas sitting side-by-side on the foot of the bed. Paige was looking through an old photo album on Tish’s dresser and Lili…
Lili was sitting against the wall nearest the window, her tiny arms enveloping her shins and her body hunched as if she thought she could make herself invisible. Her chin rested on her knees as she stared at the wall across from her. She made no move to show she noticed my entrance other than a tightening in her eyes.
“I didn’t know,” I said, unsure of who I was speaking to exactly. I never looked away from Lili but she still didn’t move. Paige closed the album and walked past me, not saying a word as she left the room. I glanced at Tish, whose expression was hard but he didn’t speak either. When I heard Paige’s door close, my only thought was I didn’t want to do this in front of Tish. I didn’t want an audience.
I walked over and knelt in front of Lili, resting a hand on the wall beside her to help me balance. I saw the shaking