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book bag. I was turned away at the first audition because I was unprepared. The second audition was for a Sears catalog and although I didn’t have a portfolio they saw me and I landed it. The only problem was since I was under age I needed a guardian with me and this was an issue. The casting director really wanted to hire me so she said she would call my mom and pretend like she saw me out somewhere and scouted me. Later that night my mother got a phone call and after speaking with the casting director she agreed to let them shoot me.
                  After the first job I paid close attention to how my mother filled out the forms and I started to manipulate the paperwork and say that I was either eighteen or nineteen to prevent from getting questioned about my age or having a guardian present. After the Sears shoot I started getting other requests from other agencies and at fifteen I landed my first commercial with Tommy Hilfiger. 
                  When I showed up at the set I was automatically intimidated. I was in an arena I had never been in before, there were women of all ethnicities and body types, and not only were they beautiful but they had something I didn’t; experience. Being around these professional models I realized that if I was really going to do this then I would have to do everything right and really study my craft. Brian was the one that helped me and reminded me of the little things like my diet, not to eat after seven, skin care regimens and exercises to keep me in shape. He supported me and let me know that if this was something I was really going to do then this was how I should do it.
                  Looking around the room, I knew that my skills and potential wasn’t up to the level that it should be and I needed to get myself together. While on set I observed and took in everything from the camera guy, to the makeup artist, stylist, producer, everyone that was behind the scenes I watched them like a hawk. I studied and did research on different directors and I also began to take classes in acting and runway walking as well as dance.
                  People who think they are too good to start at the bottom in order to get to where you need to go don’t really want whatever it is that they are striving for. I wasn’t above working at Dunkin Doughnuts, or a pizza shop. I even worked at The Holiday Inn in order to get the money I needed to invest in what I wanted to do.
                  I sometimes wish I were as confident and as sure of myself now as I was then. I feel like I’ve forgotten what I’ve been through and that I really did do all of this by myself. 
     
     
     
    Chapter Five
      The
    air was a little chilly and I was on my way to an audition with my mother when we were stopped in the middle of Times Square by an MTV scout that was looking for girls to compete in a Jennifer Lopez look alike contest.
    I didn’t wait to listen to the requirements or what else it entailed. I looked at my mother with stars in my eyes. After seeing how excited I was to participate she agreed and we were on our way.
                  We were taken to the MTV building and I was nervous and super excited at the same time. We rode the escalator to the very top and I was once again brought to the time I was sitting in the highchair and my foster mother made me feel as if I was small even though I was sitting up higher than everyone else. Looking down from the top of this escalator I felt like I was slowly rising to the top, that this was someway significant to being in that chair and there was nothing she could do or say to me now that would make me feel like in this moment, right now, I didn’t belong.
                  I think being on the Tommy Hilfiger set helped me with my confidence. We approached a desk, was handed a number and from there told to wait. The anticipation of waiting didn’t have time to set in because I was