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which is connected to the loop and has another wire in the water, completing the circuit. When a fish swims within the electric field created by the electrodes, ZAP! The fish succumbs to a minor seizire, leading it to quickly lose consciousness and become immoble, allowing it to be easily plucked from the water. We recommend using rubber gloves, both because it’s a nearly dead fish and because of all that electricity mixing with water.
    Next, clean and cook your fish in the normal, time-honored, non-electric ways. Finally, when you’re ready to serve, bring out your Electrified Tablecloth . It’s got a pair of built-in electrical strips powered by a 9-volt DC battery. Why does this exist? To repel insects and other picnic pests. An insect trying to cross the strips will get an electrical shock strong enough to discourage further travel across the table, in that the shock almost kills it, making the world safe for shocked-fish fricassee. Good news: The strips are not powerful enough to shock a person who accidentally touches them.

GOLF GADGETS
    G olf-Swing Glasses. Mimicking the blinders worn by racehorses to keep them from being distracted by other horses, these glasses literally force the golfer to keep his eyes on the ball by staring through two “eye tunnels,” because that’s the only place they can look. If the golfer’s head moves too far to one side, the ball disappears from view behind the thick, opaque ridges that surround the eyeholes.
    Golfer’s Crotch Hook. This device keeps a golfer’s head down during a swing, where it should be…the hard way. The golfer wears a tight-fitting headband attached by an elastic cord to a massive, seven-inch fishhook fitted into the crotch of the golfer’s pants. If the wearer lifts his head up too high during the swing, he is instantly—and uncomfortably—notified.
    Putt Teacher. It’s a putter attached to a belt on rollers (it looks sort of like a combination golf club and belt sander). If the swing is crooked, the belt will twist into a mess, telling the golfer what they probably already know, because they bought something called the Putt Teacher: that they’re putting needs work.
    Talking Golf Ball. A golf ball you can find in the rough! Inside the ball is 1/50 of a gram of radium; the golfer uses a handheld Geiger counter to locate the ball and retrieve it. But because this is plutonium we’re dealing with, the manufacturer couldn’t use enough to make the ball detectable from more than five feet away.

PILLS THAT MAKE YOUR POOP GOLD
    T here’s a tradition among the super-rich of treating money with contempt. When a plutocrat lights his cigar with a $100 bill, he’s brazenly demonstrating that he has, in the most literal way possible, money to burn.
    Gold Pills take conspicuous consumption to a new level. These pills—standard gelatin pharmaceutical capsules, coated and filled with 24-karat gold—will allow high rollers to literally flush money down the toilet. When swallowed, Gold Pills, according to the makers, “turn your innermost parts into chambers of wealth.” And as the indigestible gold leaf exits your system, it also gives you glittery poop. Fabulously expensive glittery poop, in fact—Gold Pills retail for $425 per dose.
    Devised by artist Tobias Wong, Gold Pills were originally created for a 2005 gallery show called “Indulgences.” The exhibit showcased items intended to satirize “our obsession with fame, celebrity, and commodities.” Ironically, there was enough demand that Gold Pills were made available for purchase. Most are bought by art collectors, certainly. But there’s bound to be some wealthy nitwit with more money than sense who’s actually swallowed the things to show off his gold-encrusted leavings.

MICK FLEETWOOD’S DRUM SUIT
    D epending on what sort of chemicals you’ve got in your system, drum solos are either the most boring part of rock concerts or the most awesome. Fleetwood Mac drummer Mick Fleetwood occasionally