Read Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions for Free Online

those who aren’t in business but who are adults who still somehow suck their thumbs, may therefore wish to consider a thumb-sucking inhibitor which was patented in 1987. Given that it’s formally described in its patent as an “Apparatus for Inhibiting Digit Sucking,” the device also works on toes, if that’s something you do.
    Please note, however, that the device may prove somewhat unwieldy for those whose jobs require them to man a keyboard all day. As the patent explains, “A bracelet fits around the wrist, a primary ring attaches to the bracelet, (which) is supported by two or more tabs extending outwardly from the ring to the bracelet, and cross-tabs extend between the outward tabs to prevent unwanted withdrawal of the thumb from the ring.” But it’s all still probably easier than trying to type with a thumb in your mouth.

PORTABLE LADY URINAL
    I t’s a problem as old as time itself—you want to pee standing up, but lacking the convenient, outer plumbing of a man, all you have between your legs is cumbersome, retreating lady business, necessitating a sit-down. The solution: GoGirl, a silicone funnel that a woman can hold against her crotch so that she can pee like a man.
    The GoGirl website refers to the product as a “Female Urination Device” that “fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment.” The company recommends it for all kinds of modern women on the go (as it were), be they cross-country road-trippers, back-country skiers, or just germ-phobic mothers who don’t want their daughters to sit down on public toilets. After all, nothing is more hygienic that peeing into a silicone tube and sticking it back into your purse, pocket, or glovebox.
    GoGirl is available in purple for girly-girls or khaki for more outdoorsy types.

THE WRIST GUN
    P atented in 1929, the Automatic Concealed Firearm for Self-Defense was a gun that secured to the inside of the wrist with leather straps. It was concealed from view beneath the sleeve of a shirt or coat. A pull chain extended from the trigger to a ring worn on the ring finger, enabling the wearer to fire the gun with a backward snap of the wrist.
    “Such a hidden firearm will be especially valuable in case of a holdup where the intended victim, when commanded to hold up his hands, or even before such a command, may shoot at the criminal without any further preparation, automatically when lifting his arms,” inventor Elek B. Juhasz wrote in his patent application.
    And if the robber has an accomplice? Juhasz designed a second version with two guns strapped to the arm, activated by a single chain. One pull on the chain fired the first gun; a second pull fired number two. Just don’t ever catch the chain on anything.

HYPOALLERGENIC CATS
    S cientists don’t spend all their time doing stupid stuff like curing diseases and finding sources of clean, renewable energy; they’ve also figured out a way to create a superior house cat.

    After their dismissive attitude, hungry wails at 5 a.m., and inclination to tear and scratch everything you own, the worst thing about cats is that lots of people are allergic to them. Well, technically, they’re allergic to cat dander, tiny bits found all over the cat and where it lives, but you can’t have one without the other. If you want a cat and are allergic to cats, you either take expensive medication or just deal with the constant sniffles and watery eyes.
    Or you spend your life savings on a bioengineered, hypoallergenic cat of the future. Delaware firm Lifestyle Pets offers consumers the chance to buy the “Allerca,” a cat whose genes have been tampered with so as not to produce the protein that triggers cat allergies in humans. Cost: between $6,000 and $29,000.

THE ELECTRIC PICNIC
    F irst, get out there to the lake and catch yourself some fish. Second, don’t forget your Electro-fishing Pole —an electrified stainless-steel loop with an insulated fiberglass handle. The user wears a battery-backpack,