human, it’s smothered by pleasure.
“It’s all right to close your eyes, pet,” he murmurs, and though I make a tiny whimper of protest— pet !—I do as I’ve been given permission to. This time I notice the way my muscles relax and my lungs fill more slowly. “For the remainder of the time we’re here, this is how I want you. You’ll be naked, you’ll be mine, and all you need to do is as you’re told. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir, but—”
“I’ll make sure you have time to do your homework, I promise. This isn’t supposed to be stressful. You’re supposed to enjoy this. I value the trust you’ve put in me, and I would never betray that.”
His small, earnest words make my heart feel like it’s going to explode. So little about me has ever been valued. I’ve never been good enough, never been deserving. My throat gets tight as I try to blink back bewildered tears.
“What’s the matter, little one?”
I want to keep the words tucked inside where it’s safe, but if he’s giving so much to me, I can bare this part of myself.
“Why me?”
“Why not you?”
I could be insulted. That’s not exactly complimentary. It’s not like he’s singled me out for special treatment because I’m remarkable in some way. On the other hand, damn straight. Why not me? Why should my default be that I don’t deserve happiness, attention, love? That’s fucked up. I can see clearly enough to know it, but that doesn’t make the feeling go away, not entirely.
Rey doesn’t say anything else, not even remarking on the slight heaves of my shoulders as I try to clear the tears without actually letting them out. Instead of bleeding these horrible and mortifying feelings all over, I let them settle like a bruise under the skin, to be broken down and carried away in bits.
*
On Saturday evening after we’ve gone out for dinner, Rey tells me he’s going to hurt me.
My breath catches in my throat. “Why, sir?”
He’s sitting on the couch again, his knees spread wide so I can kneel between them on a pillow. I’m naked again, as I’ve been almost all weekend, and my collar is back around my neck. I don’t think I’ve been badly behaved, but it’s taken some getting used to and I haven’t been perfect. I want to be perfect for him.
“It’s not for punishment,” he says, stroking my hair. “You’ve been a very good girl.”
I know it shouldn’t, but those words send a thrill of pleasure through me. Good girl.
“It’s clear you’re a fan of the D/s stuff, but I thought we might see if you’re a little bit of a masochist. A lot of bottoms are, but not everyone. Even if you aren’t, it’s a good thing to experiment with. I don’t want to send you out into the world not knowing how any of this feels.”
I appreciate his foresight. I’d rather try whatever this is with Rey than with someone I don’t know, don’t trust completely. And I’d rather try it here in this anonymous hotel room where no one will hear or see me than at another play party. It’s not modesty. It’s more…privacy. If I screw up, I don’t want anyone knowing who doesn’t absolutely have to.
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
“You’re welcome. Now wait here, I’ll be right back.”
He leaves me alone, and I practice being quiet, still, and pretty. Docility has come more naturally to me than I thought it would, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have to practice. Especially when I’m not entirely sure what to expect. What is he getting? I don’t have long to find out. A few minutes later, I hear Rey come back into the room, his footfalls sounding on the hardwood of the living room instead of getting silenced by the plush carpet of the bedroom.
“Turn around,” he commands. I face the coffee table behind me and watch as he lays a few objects on the spotless glass. He lets me stare at them, and I wonder if he’s allowing me the time or forcing it on me so I can torture myself. Clever man either way. “Look