at me.”
When I meet his gaze, he drops a nod before he starts to speak, like he wanted to make sure he had my attention.
“These are some basics. We’ve got a flogger, a paddle, and a cane. I probably won’t use all of these on you tonight, but we’ll see how it goes. You may touch them if you like.”
I run my fingers through the strands of the flogger, liking the feel of them. Soft. But that’s me exerting force on the object, not the other way around. How would it feel to have those innocent strands fall across my skin with the weight of a person, a Dominant, behind them? I lick my lips, and Rey chuckles softly. I look up at him, a blush rising in my cheeks.
“That’s fine, kitten. I like your curiosity. Nothing to be ashamed of, you’re so much fun to watch.”
Even though he’s told me it’s fine, my embarrassment isn’t snuffed out entirely. It’s smoldering coals, ready to leap into a full-on fire at any second if someone were to add the fuel of derision.
My hand drifts over to the paddle, and I finger the finely stitched leather. It’s smaller than I thought it would be. I’d expected something more like a fraternity paddle, but this is narrower and shorter and somehow the craftsmanship lends an elegance I’d sometimes found lacking during the research Rey’d had me do. I imagine the fall of it on my behind, the backs of my thighs, and there’s a bloom of excitement and anxiety in my stomach and my low belly.
“You should see the expression on your face right now. You look like you’re in love.”
“I might be, sir.”
There’s a vague smile on Rey’s face and one corner curls up further. “We’ll see. Fantasy and reality don’t always match up, and that’s completely okay.”
The cane is next. It’s shorter than what I’d thought of when he’d first mentioned it. It wouldn’t be useful as a walking aid; it’s been made for a singular purpose. This scares me more than the other two. I remember the images I’d seen of the marks it would leave. Dark bruises laid in defined lines across soft flesh. It had made my stomach clench when I’d seen the pictures, and I absentmindedly rub at my butt thinking of how it might feel. The phrase “hurts like a bitch” comes to mind.
There’s nausea on the horizon, distant and indistinct. I can’t bring myself to touch it, curious though I might be. As if he’s reading my mind, Rey takes the cane literally off the table. “Not tonight then, though you should try it sometime.”
I nod my agreement, mumbling a “yes, sir.”
Rey reaches out and cups my chin, lifting my gaze to his. “You still with me, little one? You look a little dazed.”
“Yes, sir. I…”
“It’s a lot, I know. Take your time, think about it. Ask me any questions you have, I’ll answer the best I can. If you don’t want to try tonight, you don’t have to. This is all up to you. I’m just your cruise director.”
I look a little longer, and my gaze keeps returning to the paddle. It scares me, yes, but maybe like a rollercoaster is scary. The fright is part of the thrill. I pick it up again and handle it, touching all the surfaces, even smacking it against my open palm. It stings a little, but I like the feeling of the impact, the pressure, the push. Something deep inside me flutters, and there’s the possibility of it taking flight. I turn the paddle over and over, around and around, until I must have seen every inch of it a dozen times. When I feel as though we’re intimately acquainted, this instrument and I, I rest it across both my palms and offer it up to Rey, who’s still standing in patient wait across the table.
“Please, sir.”
*
I wake the next morning snuggled into Rey’s side, my hand resting on the soft cotton of the T-shirt he wore to bed and my thigh draped across his. I wish I could sleep with him every night. When I woke in the middle of the night, his steady heartbeat beneath my ear and the warmth of his body against mine