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wouldn’t
be in pain right now, feeling like a parentless reject in a totally fucked up
mess of stale truth. In fact, I never would have been in any pain ever.
    But I wouldn’t have been there to comfort Annie when she was
hurting either. Which was important to me.
    And for the first time ever, I felt lucky to be alive.

Chapter
8: Dawn
     
     
    Lover #2:
The First One that Makes You Come
    After you get some selfish, unskilled lovers out of the way,
you’re bound to find a good one. And not only will he be good, he’ll be so
delicious you’ll have your very first orgasm.
    The good news is that you will always remember your first. The
bad news is that you may momentarily feel like all the other sex you were
having was a waste of time.
    But it wasn’t, and it will make you appreciate the earth
shattering goodness all the more. After all, you can’t appreciate the highs properly
until you’ve experienced the lows.
    Maybe you'll think orgasms remind you of powdered donuts because
they're light and satisfying. Or perhaps they'll make you feel like you're
being raged inside by stormy seas. Regardless, this event will mark a new
chapter for you.
    So don’t be surprised if you get addicted to that feeling and
the person that made you feel it. Chances are the craving will be mutual. If
this happens, give yourself permission to enjoy every minute of it. Because
when a young couple find their sexual stride, there is nothing more exciting.
    For most of us, our first partner isn’t our last. But they’re
always unforgettable. And oftentimes, they act as a benchmark against which
you’ll compare all your future partners.
    Irrespective of the circumstances, having your first orgasm is a
massive victory. After all, reaching this sexual milestone means that you're
comfortable with your partner in both your nakedness and your pursuit of
pleasure. I imagine it’s a lot like achieving nirvana because to experience it you
must forget yourself, your surroundings, and your insecurities entirely.
    With this trust in place, the most insane sexual pleasure you’ve
ever known will descend on you like a thick, glorious fog. Usually, this fog is
lust. However, it can be easily confused with love. Especially at a young age
when intense new are flooding your body and making your hormones rage like
horny monkeys.
    And that’s okay. Because love has many faces.
    Of course, when it comes to the lover that is responsible for
your first orgasm, it will be years before you can get any objective
perspective. Maybe you’ll discover that it really was love. But maybe you’ll
discover that it was just pure, glorious lust.
    Whatever you decide it was or wasn’t doesn’t really matter
though. The real reason you’ll cherish lover number two is because his
companionship will not only raise your sexual confidence, but your standards,
too.
     

Chapter
9: Kate
     
     
    I was doing everything I could to avoid binging and purging. I
knew if I started again I would be in trouble. Because Dawn wasn’t around to
bail me out now. I had to help myself through it.
    So I kept thinking about what she said: that I was strong enough
to do it on my own. That if I was strong enough to develop and live with the
disease, I was strong enough to beat it. She said I should never take that for
granted. She said that if her cancer had been the kind she could’ve fought that
she would’ve fought every day, and that that’s what I had to do.
    So I was. I was fighting every day to occupy myself so I wouldn’t
return to my default methods for handling stress. Like the stress of living at
home again and worrying about what would happen after graduation. To me. To
everybody. I mean, there was a lot on my plate. Figuratively.
    Fortunately, “my parents” hadn’t tried to control me at all
since I found out that they were really just friendly people who took me in. So
I put half a bottle of vodka in my bag and walked out the door without a word.
    Then I headed straight to