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properly stunned cattle.
    Thus, if the tongue is fully extended, limp, and flaccid, one can conclude that the animal is insensible, but the absence of a fully extended, limp, and flaccid tongue should not be used as an indicator of return to sensibility.
    I’m not sure what that means either.
A Note on Where the Wife of This Researcher Believes His “Fieldwork” Boots Should Be Kept during His Project at Commercial Beef Slaughter Plant #5867
    Outside. Far away from the house, inside a plastic bag, buried in a hole. A ditch, inside a plastic bag, buried in a ditch outside, far, far away from the house. Far, far away from the house, inside a plastic bag, buried in a ditch lined with vulcanized sheeting and sprinkled with lime, outside.
False Signs of a Return to Sensibility
    The tail may move, or raise, or twitch, even when animals are insensible. When the animal is hung on the bleed rail, the tail gradually becomes limp and lies down flat against the rump.
    Occasionally, insensible cattle with the limp head, blank stare, and extended, limp, and flaccid tongue will withdraw the forelimb if a person grabs it; therefore a reflex reaction to a tactile stimulus of a limb is not considered a sign of sensibility.
What “Stunned” Means in the Context of This Report
    Dead. Brain-dead. Absence of neurological functioning.
The Best Word to Describe What It’s Like When You Grab the Forelimb of a Seemingly Stunned Cattle Hanging from a Bleed Rail and It Pulls Away
    Spooky.
The Company’s Official Policy on Hanging a Fully Sensible, Unstunned Animal on the Bleed Rail
    We have zero tolerance for the inhumane treatment of animals used in our products. We pledge to you, the consumer, that all animals are fed, housed, and slaughtered according to the most stringent of USDA guidelines as outlined in the Humane Slaughter Act of 2001.
Procedure cont.
    If a problem with return to sensibility was observed, additional data were collected, as time permitted, to identify the cause. Alternatively, follow-up interviews with staff were conducted to identify the cause of the return-to-sensibility problem.
A Note on the Dreams of the Researcher Investigating the Return-to-Sensibility Problems after Penetrating Captive Bolt Stunning of Cattle in Commercial Beef Slaughter Plant #5867
    Night-long, slow-motion scenes of traumas the researcher is sure never happened to him in his waking life. In one, the researcher is a boy, and he hugs an iron bedpost, legs and arms wrapped around it seemingly multiple times, like his arms are spaghetti tensileness, and he looks over his shoulder at a man who resembles his father, but is larger through the chest, advancing toward him with a belt looped once, forming a strop that the man knocks against his palm.
Word Carved into the Paint of the Researcher’s Chrysler Conquest, Presumably by One of the Protestors
    Beast!
Results
    In all, 23,736 cows and bulls were observed, and 284 (1.2%) had signs of returning to sensibility after hanging on the bleed rail. Cattle that were obviously not insensible after a single shot and were restunned prior to hoisting were not tabulated as they are outside the immediate scope of this research, but this researcher estimates their number to be in excess of 1,000, of which a small percentage required more than a second stunning.
Processing Steps Following the Bleed Rail Hanging
    Bleeding, leg removal, skinning, scalding, head removal, and chemical dehairing, among others.
Results cont.
    The most common indicator of animals returning to sensibility after hanging on the bleed rail consisted of movement of the tongue out and then back in and twitching of the nose. In a single case (#4557), tongue movement, puffing of the cheeks, vocalization (mooing, bellowing, low moaning, and squeals), limb movement (thrashing, really), and twitching of the nose were all present even after multiple (9) restunning attempts.
Partial Transcript of Conversation between This