him echoing my thoughts. I donât want him around at all.
âDo you even have a ticket?â I ask him, pointedly now. âThe show starts tonight, so they probably wonât let you in without a ticket.â
âI heard they wouldnât be checking tickets,â he responds breezily.
I shrug. Iâve heard whisperings of the same thing, but at this moment, I hope it wonât be true.
âBesides,â he says. âI can always come help out at the medical tents. Iâm sure Anna wouldnât say no.â
This is also unfortunately true. We probably need the help and Anna really likes Ned. Then again, who doesnât around here?
Why canât he disappear? Why canât breakups mean that the other person just leaves the plane of your existence entirely? I donât mean that they have to die . But canât they just die from your world, be obliterated from the cast of characters that populate your story, never to appear onstage with you again? And for heavenâs sake, canât there be a rule banning them forevermore from your dreams ?
âSo who are you most looking forward to seeing?â Ned asks.
Nope. Instead, Iâm doomed to engage in small talk with the boy who has broken my heart. And here in Bethel, I will be forced to have some version of this conversation for the rest of my existence. Today itâs what act I want to see. Someday itâll be which street Iâd buy my house on. Thatâs what it means, living in a small town.
âI probably wonât be seeing anybody. Pretty sure the medical tent will keep me busy,â I finally respond.
âAll right. Who are you looking forward to hearing?â
I shrug. âJoni Mitchell.â
âIs she playing?â Ned asks.
âI thought so . . . ,â I say.
âIâm pretty excited about the Who. Do you think theyâll play âMy Generationâ?â
âProbably. Itâs one of their biggest songs.â
âThat would be amazing.â Ned smiles.
âYeah.â This field to get to the main concert area is never ending. It just goes on and on and on, swarmed with all the bright clothes and shiny, excited faces of, to quote Nedâs favorite band du jour, my generation.
You know who else goes on and on and on? Ned. The boy will not stop jabbering about the concert and the music and the love and the peace and crap. I want to tell him to shut up.
I also want to make out with him.
Itâs all very confusing.
Finally, at long, long last, we get to the gates. I have my pass identifying me as medical personnel pinned to my dress and there actually is a glazed-over, long-bearded twenty-something standing by the gate in a red Woodstock T-shirt, theoretically on hand to check it.
âLooks like theyâre checking tickets,â I say in a high-pitched voice.
I point to my pass as I walk by. The guy at the gate stares somewhere above and to the right of me the whole time.
I donât wait for Ned to notice, just bolt toward my medical tent, leaving him to ponder the Whoâs set list on his own. I think he yells out, âHey, could you ask Anna . . .â But I ignore him. As far as Iâm concerned, I donât hear a thing, so focused am I on making a beeline for the tent, where, surely, I am sorely needed.
chapter 12
Michael
Amanda is a unicorn. No, sheâs a dragon. No, a rainbow. No, just lightning and stars and fire.
She is everything beautiful and terrible in this world.
I am consuming her. My mouth fits around her plump lips. We are like fish, needing the motion of our mouths to breathe. If we stop, we die. So I keep going.
Itâs like I have infinite vision. My eyes are wide open and I can see every pore in Amandaâs nose, the fine blond hairs above her lip, and the thicker ones in her eyebrows and eyelashes.
But I can also see everything going on around me. Every single person, what they are wearing, who theyâre
James Chesney, James Smith
Katharine Kerr, Mark Kreighbaum