can reach the core truth of what holds you back, oneof two things will happen: either you will accept things the way they are, fully. Or you will change into the way you want to be, completely.
When you are in 100 percent agreement with yourself in what you want, you will experience only the sensation of progress.
But what happens if you break down one night and raid the vending machine because there’s no other option and you are tired and hungry and frustrated from your nightmare day of travel?
That’s just it: you don’t break down one night and raid the vending machine. No matter what you feel. It just doesn’t happen because the vending machine is not one of the bricks on your path.
It’s almost like this: “falling off the wagon,” or bingeing, or saying “screw it” to your diet is like one passenger on a train filled with eager, punctual commuters who pulls the emergency string and stops the whole train.
Sure, the train operator can restart the train and continue. But now, nobody onboard has confidence that it will not happen again.
So really, you have to locate that single person—and maybe they’re shy and don’t want to be found—and you have to tell them they won’t be punished but you need to know why they stopped the train.
Because they had a reason.
The difference is, it’s not a train; it’s your body. And it’s not a separate passenger who pulled the emergency brake; it’s you.
You need to listen to your full self. Learn the deeper reason why not all of you is in agreement over this losing-weight plan.
II
Maybe the reason you don’t want to lose weight enough for the process to be simple is because you feel pressure to be thin, but not desire.
Maybe, in other words, you kind of don’t care that much, really.
You think you look pretty good, even if every magazine in the world says you’re a fat cow. Maybe you think, yeah, still.
So the wiser section of your brain that would rather be learning Italian keeps throwing cupcakes at you while you panfry your block of soy protein in oil substitute.
Decisions are beautiful. They are evidence of thought and care. Decisions are the polishing cloths of life.
There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in deciding you’d rather spend your life paying attention to something other than the weight of your physical body.
There is no shame in deciding you look fine just as you are. Or even better than fine. There is no shame in deciding to just be fat.
A FEW YEARS AGO , I was at a hotel in Palm Springs, sitting by the pool and writing. A few minutes later, a woman sauntered into the area wearing a sarong, high heels, and a dramatic, oversized hat. The woman was what one would typically call fat.
I was astounded by her beauty and her utter command of the entire area surrounding the pool. I glanced around at the other people near me and indeed, every man was watching her. Lust is not easily mistaken for repulsion; these menwanted her. The women sitting outside were watching her, too. And their expressions were just as easy to read, as clear as words printed on a white page: how the hell is she doing that?
Because this woman was the sexiest, most sensual woman I had yet encountered in California. I expect the vast majority of those looking at her felt exactly the same way.
How was it possible?
It was possible because this woman saw the truth behind “the truth.” She saw that fat is not hot is not true.
One day this woman woke up and she put on her jeans and she looked in the mirror and asked herself, as she surely had a thousand times before, “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
But instead of replying to her rhetorical question with a positive, feel-good white lie, she suddenly let out her breath, allowed her stomach to spill over the waistband, and admitted the truth to herself: the jeans did not make her look fat; she was fat.
No article of clothing had ever or could ever disguise, conceal, or alter this fact. She was not, by
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