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seek is something that can’t be microwaved or ladled into a bowl.
    In fact, the more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there.
    Not even if the physician’s scale says you have not only reached thin, you have gone well beyond it. Even then, you will not experience thin .
    Because your actual desire and obsession is only dressed up in the costume of thin. And it’s a very good costume; it’s fooled you by making you think you don’t need to question it. Of course you want to be thin; everybody does.
    When everybody believes something, so will you. Unless you pause and think. Maybe you’ll still believe what you did before you considered it, but maybe you will feel entirely differently.
    I know exactly how it feels to be obsessed with being thin and wanting it more than anything, even though I’ve never once in my life actually wished to be skinny. But that feeling in me never goes away; it just changes constantly. But it’s identical in concept and solution.
    If you are insane to be skinny, I can tell you that one day you may very well reach the place you call thin and feel so wonderful and satisfied and deeply at peace. I can also tell you that this thin you have reached has nothing whatsoever to do with your weight. In fact, you may finally get thin and weigh more than you do now. But the feeling you believe thin will bring you is carried by other needs.
    What you have to do is figure those out. You have to figure out what thin actually is to you, what it stands for.
    You can do this with a therapist but you can also do it totally on your own. You don’t need advice—you need clarity and youneed to see the truth. A therapist—or a friend—can sometimes say something that is so unexpected, it knocks your brain around and dislodges an insight you had previously overlooked.
    Which is how therapy can transform you, but also a friendship where you talk, instead of just doing stuff together.
    However you can, try and decipher the meaning for you in that extremely loaded word, thin .
    I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t (and doesn’t want to) drink anymore so I exist in a state of never-ending micro-addictions that reveal themselves in the form of obsessions. I was the same as a child.
    These obsessions are things I want, want to do, or want to be. I become so fixated I neglect every other aspect of my life.
    What results is that I get really good at doing a lot of different things but no matter what I do, it’s never the thing that gives me the feeling, this is what I’ve been searching for, I am home. In other words, I never feel thin.
    One hundred percent of the time.
    It’s only after causing myself a certain degree of damage that I learn what it was, underneath it all, I was looking for. Once I see that, I can get it. It’s usually something within easy reach. It’s something basic, elemental.
    After I feel it, I might still be really interested in what was before an obsession. Which is like, realizing that thin isn’t what you actually want; what you actually want is to not feel disliked, like a freak because you have six extra pounds nobody else around you has.
    So then you can put your brain in reverse and take a right and start focusing on letting go of the concern you have with how you are—or are not—perceived by others. You can practice not giving a shit.
    Which lets the actual you out loose, free. This is what causes the feeling, satisfied . Or at home. Or just really pretty okay with it all. All of these phrases describe this feeling.
    After you reach it, you might like your weight, you might think you’re too skinny, you might think a couple of pounds still need to go but you’re cool with that, not crazy over it even if it never quite happens.
    That’s one of the weird things about some obsessions. To get over them, you have to give them up, let them go, release them, truly not need or want them anymore. Then there it is. It’s yours. If you