or any animal, really. There was some measure of comfort in watching something else suffer and knowing you didnât have to. This was in me as much as it was Jake. And when a thing like that gets inside you, it donât come out easily. Even when you want it to real bad.
So when Jake threatened to kill Seth, I had no reason to doubt he wouldnât try.
âPut your hand on my chest again and Iâll knock it off again,â Seth said.
Jake pointed his finger at Sethâs chest a second time, but there was a key difference. This time he didnât touch him. âWhat are you running from?â he said.
âDonât worry about it.â
âProve you ainât a faggot.â
âDonât have to.â
It was like some kind of Mexican standoff. Seth was so cool under our pressure that I think it set Jake on edge. The fact that he didnât touch Seth again said something. Iâd never seen Jake back down from anybody before.
âLook around you, faggot. These woods belong to me, Ronnie, and Walter. If we catch you here again, youâre going home to Mommy with your nuts in a sling.
Comprende?
â
I thought it was over then. Jake was giving him an out. He didnât really want to fight this strange boy, not now. Heâd wait until the odds were stacked far enough in his favor that he could humiliate Seth. It was never about just winning with Jake. He had to destroy the other person, kill their spirit. Iâd seen him do it to some of the other boys at school before. But this was the summer. There wasnât a teacher here to break things up when they got tight. These were the woods, where a wildness hung in the air, strong as the scent of pine. Jake must have felt the difference. I know I did. Seth seemed too unpredictable, too intense, and out here anything could happen.
I thought it was over.
If it had been, things might have been different. Maybe Iâd never have known about the slip. Maybe I wouldnât have survived âNam. Probably wouldnât have. The slip and Seth kept me alive over there.
It wasnât over, though. Seth said something that set Jake off. Something that Iâd later wonder how he knew.
âYou talk a lot about queers, donât you? Iâll bet your daddy is taking it up the ass every day and night in prison. Maybe you just want to be like him.â
Iâd seen Jake angry before, but usually he kept it at a slow boil, just under the skin, always hot, but never full tilt. I had no idea how fast he could move. His fist had been at his waist, just hanging loose one second, and the next it was slammed up against Sethâs right cheek. He hit Seth four times before anybody could react. Seth crumpled to the ground.
âYou donât know nothing âbout my daddy,â he said, kicking Seth again.
I realized Jake didnât plan on stopping, so I reacted. Thatâs something situations like this teach you. What youâre made of. What you really believe. Itâs one thing to stand by and watch a puppy being tortured; itâs not right, but itâs a different thing than watching one person trying to kill another. I was proud to find out that particular bit of darkness wasnât in me.
I grabbed Jake in a bear hug, squeezing down on his chest as hard as I could. âGo easy, Jake. Youâve made your point.â
âThat bastard. Wants to talk. About my daddy. Iâll kill him!â Each phrase was punctuated with another kick to Sethâs midsection. I finally succeeded in pulling him away. He cursed me and struggled to break free of my grip.
âGet him off me!â he shouted to Ronnie.
Ronnie looked stunned. He didnât move.
âJust stay put, Ronnie,â I said. âJake needs to calm down before he kills somebody.â
Jake twisted violently under my arms, but I didnât let go. âGet. Him. Off. Me,â he said.
Ronnie shook his head.
âRemember three