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or any animal, really. There was some measure of comfort in watching something else suffer and knowing you didn’t have to. This was in me as much as it was Jake. And when a thing like that gets inside you, it don’t come out easily. Even when you want it to real bad.
    So when Jake threatened to kill Seth, I had no reason to doubt he wouldn’t try.
    â€œPut your hand on my chest again and I’ll knock it off again,” Seth said.
    Jake pointed his finger at Seth’s chest a second time, but there was a key difference. This time he didn’t touch him. “What are you running from?” he said.
    â€œDon’t worry about it.”
    â€œProve you ain’t a faggot.”
    â€œDon’t have to.”
    It was like some kind of Mexican standoff. Seth was so cool under our pressure that I think it set Jake on edge. The fact that he didn’t touch Seth again said something. I’d never seen Jake back down from anybody before.
    â€œLook around you, faggot. These woods belong to me, Ronnie, and Walter. If we catch you here again, you’re going home to Mommy with your nuts in a sling.
Comprende?
”
    I thought it was over then. Jake was giving him an out. He didn’t really want to fight this strange boy, not now. He’d wait until the odds were stacked far enough in his favor that he could humiliate Seth. It was never about just winning with Jake. He had to destroy the other person, kill their spirit. I’d seen him do it to some of the other boys at school before. But this was the summer. There wasn’t a teacher here to break things up when they got tight. These were the woods, where a wildness hung in the air, strong as the scent of pine. Jake must have felt the difference. I know I did. Seth seemed too unpredictable, too intense, and out here anything could happen.
    I thought it was over.
    If it had been, things might have been different. Maybe I’d never have known about the slip. Maybe I wouldn’t have survived ’Nam. Probably wouldn’t have. The slip and Seth kept me alive over there.
    It wasn’t over, though. Seth said something that set Jake off. Something that I’d later wonder how he knew.
    â€œYou talk a lot about queers, don’t you? I’ll bet your daddy is taking it up the ass every day and night in prison. Maybe you just want to be like him.”
    I’d seen Jake angry before, but usually he kept it at a slow boil, just under the skin, always hot, but never full tilt. I had no idea how fast he could move. His fist had been at his waist, just hanging loose one second, and the next it was slammed up against Seth’s right cheek. He hit Seth four times before anybody could react. Seth crumpled to the ground.
    â€œYou don’t know nothing ’bout my daddy,” he said, kicking Seth again.
    I realized Jake didn’t plan on stopping, so I reacted. That’s something situations like this teach you. What you’re made of. What you really believe. It’s one thing to stand by and watch a puppy being tortured; it’s not right, but it’s a different thing than watching one person trying to kill another. I was proud to find out that particular bit of darkness wasn’t in me.
    I grabbed Jake in a bear hug, squeezing down on his chest as hard as I could. “Go easy, Jake. You’ve made your point.”
    â€œThat bastard. Wants to talk. About my daddy. I’ll kill him!” Each phrase was punctuated with another kick to Seth’s midsection. I finally succeeded in pulling him away. He cursed me and struggled to break free of my grip.
    â€œGet him off me!” he shouted to Ronnie.
    Ronnie looked stunned. He didn’t move.
    â€œJust stay put, Ronnie,” I said. “Jake needs to calm down before he kills somebody.”
    Jake twisted violently under my arms, but I didn’t let go. “Get. Him. Off. Me,” he said.
    Ronnie shook his head.
    â€œRemember three