so good to me during that time. She and Pia really looked after me. It amazes me, when I look back, how understanding and supportive and nonjudgmental they were. I would never have expected them to be so nice to me. I donât think Julia and Madeleine would be like that. I guess thatâs why I havenât told them about it.
âDo you want to talk about it?â Angie asks.
I think for a moment. âNo. Not really.â
Sometimes thereâs nothing to say. I feel sad and sick and tiny inside when I think about that day. I donât regret itâI totally do not regret itâbut I still wish it hadnât happened. I think thatâs how everyone who has to have an abortion probably feels. All of us millions of women, feeling sad and sick and tiny inside when we think about the memory that will never go away.
âWhoâd be a chick, huh?â I murmur.
Angie cracks up. âItâs better than being a dude. Can you imagine? Having a dick jangling around all the time? Ew.â
âDo you think Iâll ever want to sleep with someone again?â I ask Angie. âI will, right? Ethan just wasnât right, you know? Heâs a really bad kisser, and his mouth tastes wrong, somehow. I donât know how, just wrong.â
âWell, sugarnuts, if his mouth tastes wrong, you can sure as shit bet his dick wouldnât taste right.â Angie swallows another gulp of martini. âOf course youâll sleep with someone again. And itâll be fucking great. Now. Tell me all of Ethanâs dirty little secrets.â
An hour later, we have a plan.
âText Ethan now! Now!â says Angie. âInvite him to Maddyâs gig tonight. Weâll nail his balls to the fucking wall.â
âHeâs not in New York. Heâs on a train back from Philly. He was there all week for work.â
âEw. Trains.â Angie wrinkles her nose. âSend the text.â
I tap out the pre-agreed text. Then thereâs a beeping on the street, and Pia rolls up in Toto, her original Skinny Wheels food truck. She has a small fleet of food trucks now, but Toto is still special to her.
âYouâre not supposed to park that on the street,â calls Angie. Weâve had some complaints from the neighbors.
Pia shrugs, walking toward the stoop. âFuck it. Iâve had a merde day. Is that vodka?â
Pia bounds up the stoop, takes a huge slug of Angieâs drink, and then plucks the cigarette out of her mouth and takes a drag.
âAre we having a party?â a voice calls.
Julia and Madeleine are walking up Union Street toward home, still in their work clothes. Julia is wearing her huge gym backpack that would, I swear to God, take out an old lady if she turned too quickly on a crowded subway.
âCoco quit her job and is going to dump Ethan!â calls Angie.
I feel embarrassed to have all the attention on me. âAngie, stop itâ¦â
âCoco. You need to own your drama,â she says sternly.
Sheâs right. Being the opposite of the old me means being loud(er), without caring about the consequences or worrying that I donât deserve peopleâs attention.
I take a deep breath. âI totally quit. And Ethan cheated on me and weâre taking revenge tonight!â
âThat little shitweasel,â says Julia. âAre you okay? Why didnât you tell me?â
âThere was nothing to tell ⦠until now.â I used to tell Julia everything, but she works so hard these days that sheâs never around. Besides, itâs not like I have to tell her everything. Iâm a grown-up. Adult. Whatever. âI think itâs time for me to be wild. Whatever that means.â
âGetting drunk,â says Pia. âAt work.â
âHaving casual sex,â says Angie. âAlso at work.â
âSpeaking your mind,â says Madeleine. âNo matter what.â
âTelling your boss to fuck