words, the material dropping from her fingers.
The silk fell perfectly back into place, but the words the maid had uttered made her grow cold. She took the basket and left the apartment in a hurry, shivering the whole way home.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
It was a terrible thing to be so cold that you could never feel truly warm. This had been the way Marthe remembered so much of her childhood in the apartment on the Rue Berthe where she had grown up. That wretched place where she had awakened one morning to find her sisterâs body lifeless beside her. She had clasped her small body for warmth, but instead found Odette stiff and cold.
She would never forget her mother washing Odetteâs only whitedress, the one her sister would be buried in. She watched her mother iron it through her tears. Marthe had shuddered at the sight of the large hole, and then, the soil that engulfed the tiny pine box whole. She had been incapable of erasing the image of the spray of flowers, limp from her hands, having clutched the stems too tightly, on top of the mound of wet earth. And now her heart had broken because they didnât have enough money to have her sisterâs nameâOdette Roseâcarved in stone.
She remembered the stream of men who came and stayed for only an hour at a time in the months that followed her sisterâs funeral. The scent of alcohol and perspiration. Her motherâs desperation that stole what was left of her youth and clouded the light in her eyes.
She could mark the change in her life from the moment that Odette left them. Her mother broke the only mirror in their apartment and never replaced it. For who wanted to see their own face etched in sorrow? A complexion dull as a tin cup. Even Marthe began to look away from her motherâs watery gaze.
But while her mother seemed to shrink into the shadows, Martheâs radiance began to emerge more and more with each passing day.
She grew from a thin, almost strange-looking child into a beautiful young girl. Her long, coltish limbs began to soften, and her once-concave chest grew full.
She took to adjusting her clothes to accommodate these changes in her body. She learned to taper her blouses to accentuate her waist, and to adjust the buttons to ensure they lay flat.
Every part of Marthe, every contour, every pad of muscle and every stretch of bone, filled with exuberance; an unrestrainable sense of life.
She needed no makeup. Her rouge was the clap of her hands against her cheeks. Her lipstick was the nibble of her teeth against her delicate mouth. She grew her strawberry red hair so long that when she unplaited it, it fell to the small cleft just above her lower back.
When she grew older, she would still recall that winter when she was thirteen, that afternoon when the cold had not stung her cheeks, but rather sent a thrill through her whole body. She thought of the boy who walked her home from school and told her she was beautiful when she flushed. He had offered her his hat and his red wool mittens, but she had refused him shyly. She later wished it were that boy who had been the first to touch her, to cup his hand between her legs. Not the one whose face she couldnât bear to look at. The one whose eyes burned not brightly with youth, but from the shine of alcohol. The one who offered her five sous to touch her in the dark corner of the alley, but who ended up taking far more from Marthe than a caress.
It had been so cold that night. She had returned home that evening and dropped the coins numbly into her motherâs hand to pay for a few shovels of coal.
But although the fire stoked brightly that eveningâfor onceâshe found herself shivering, unable to find any warmth.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
She now kept her apartment as warm as she possibly could. She had white birch delivered to the fireplaces twice a week, the bark crackling and sizzling in the hearth.
It was a delicacy to walk around with little clothing