Read The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant for Free Online Page B

windowless and possessed excellent security. I also had all work sent and returned via a courier service. It made sure I could lead the lifestyle I desired in the privacy I loved. Aside from the courier, there were only a few people who knew my address, and my apartment complex was not the sort where uninvited guests could saunter in to talk to the residents about religion or the incredible savings opportunity that they were presenting to a select few.
    Which is the reason the thundering knock on my door garnered such a severe and shocked reaction from me, as I leapt several feet in the air and let out a small squeak. I am not exaggerating about the distance I jumped. I did mention the undead lifestyle comes with a few side perks. One of them is muscular ability beyond the range of human limitations. Another was heightened senses, which told me there was the heartbeat of one person outside my door at that moment. I know what you’re thinking; if I could hear so well, how did they catch me by surprise? Well, I don’t go around using my heightened senses willy-nilly. Just think of how distracting that would be, especially when I am trying to get work done.
    Gathering my composure, I walked over to the door, undid several deadbolts, and pulled it open a few inches to see who would disturb a working vampire in the evening. As it turned out, the answer was a tall, curvy blonde in grey slacks and a red, buttoned-down, collared shirt.  The colors didn’t do much to accentuate her chocolate brown eyes, but the confidence reflecting out of them was all the accentuation they needed.
    “Hey, Freddy,” Krystal said, slipping her way past the door and giving me a hug.
    “How did you know where I lived?” I asked. I was excited to see her, and should have really done a better job showing it, but at that precise moment, the fear from the surprise was still surging strongly through me.
    “We’ve been through this, Freddy. Mysterious agency, no name that I can give out, impossible connections and information sources—you know the drill. Got any beer?” She kissed me on the cheek and meandered over to my fridge. Getting a hold of myself, I shut the door firmly and re-engaged all of my locks, then turned my attention to the blonde rifling through my meagerly stocked refrigerator.
    Krystal and I had gone to school together and had run in similar social circles. By that I mean we were both shunted to the bottom with the rest of the dregs and forced to be friends with other people no one else liked. Time, along with a good dietician and an active lifestyle, had changed her body and found her in the employment of an agency dedicated to dealing with supernatural creatures and events. We had become reacquainted at our high school reunion during an attack from a group of former football-star werewolves, and struck up something of a romantic interlude before I had returned home. Again, though, I wondered if we were drawn together out of necessity, her living a life she couldn’t tell a normal man about, and me . . . well me being of those things that aren’t allowed to be talked about.
    “We have got to get you stocking some beer. Merlot, blood, and brie are all that’s in here. You’re killing me, Freddy.” She shut the fridge door and gave me one of her careless smiles. Whatever her lifestyle had done to her over the past ten years, it had certainly made her beautiful. Perhaps this wasn’t just about convenience.
    “Well, I would have prepared if I had known you were coming by. I haven’t seen you since our date after the reunion fiasco,” I said.
    “Ugh, I know. Sorry about that. Had to fly to Greece to track down some marauding ghouls. Took forever, and the company plan doesn’t cover unauthorized international calls to undead romantic interests,” she said, waltzing over to my couch and plopping down.
    “Ah yes, well . . . they, um . . . they don’t actually know we went out, do they? I mean, I imagine they would be less