to wait until I was in love, she also taught me to keep my private life, well, private. There was no way I was going to tell her about last night, though I wanted to scream from the rooftops how amazing it was. He showed me how a real man can make me feel and what he can do.
Robert rarely, if ever, went down on me. Walker’s tongue had been like lightning, crashing into me and shooting electricity through my body, awakening feelings in me that I never knew existed. He had almost come apart in my mouth too, which surprised me since every time I tried to give Robert oral he would chastise me, saying I was doing it all wrong. I loved the feeling of wielding that much power over a man, and Walker had appeared content to let me be in charge. I’m starting to think that maybe I was never in love with Robert. He was safe, comfortable, and trustworthy, or so I had thought. Walker seemed dangerous and mysterious, but I still felt more of a connection with him than I ever had with Robert. I just don’t know if I could ever let down my guard enough to give all of myself to a man again.
“You’re not going to give me anything, Erin?” Noelle's voice brings me out of my thoughts. I shake my head side to side as she blows out a puff of air. “Okay then. Well, you can be enlightened by hearing about my fuck fest with Zack last night. Let me tell you, if I thought you were walking funny you should be surprised I can stand. That man’s dick was...”
“STOP! Oh my God stop!” I interrupt her, placing my hand over her mouth as my ringtone fills the car. Saved by my big sister.
“Hey, Nic,” I say rolling my eyes at Noelle as I pick up.
“Erin! You need to call mom. She is freaking out saying you haven’t returned her phone calls in two weeks. What’s going on?” She yells over my nieces and nephews shrieking in the background.
Leave it to my mom to send Nicole after me. Avoiding Eden Decker has been quite a task. I’m not ready to tell her that I won’t be walking down the aisle anytime soon or immediately popping out grandkids. How do you explain to your mother that the man you gave your heart to for the past five years, the one that she had treated like her own son since his parents passed, the one who sent her flowers on Mother’s Day and her birthday every year, put her daughter’s heart into a shredder?
“I’ll call her tomorrow. I just can’t today, alright?” I close my eyes thinking how hard that conversation will be.
“Not alright. What the hell is wrong with you? You know how it’s been since Dad died. She needs to hear from us and know that we are doing okay. Now, tell me. Why haven’t you called her, or me, for that matter? We usually talk almost every day,” her motherly tone is evident through the phone.
Blowing out a deep breath I prepare to tell her about the epic failure of my relationship.
“Robert and I broke up, okay? I caught him in the middle of having sex with his secretary the day school got out. He told me I was a lame lay and that he wasn’t ready for marriage,” my voice cracks at the last word as I finally realize how angry I am.
Noelle puts her free arm around me as my body shakes with frustrated sobs. I don’t speak anymore when Nicole tries to comfort me. After a few more minutes of our one-sided conversation we pull into our driveway, and I finally promise to call her and my mom back later.
“I’m fine, Noe. I promise. The whole situation just sucks.”
“It will be okay, Erin. I promise. I really and truly believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe you can’t see it right now, but there is a reason. You are meant for love that is extraordinary and you will have it. You deserve to have that and I know something big is coming your way. I can just feel it.”
A s per the rules of operation Big Girl Panties, or BGP as Noelle likes to call it, I had started taking care of myself not only mentally, but physically. Mentally, I needed to clear the air and do the one