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him right now, I can’t help but wonder… what does that mean exactly?   It’s definitely a thought “old Chrissy” would obsess over.  But “new Chrissy” is too satisfied, too busy, too focused on the here-and-now to be consumed with things she can’t control.  Besides, when I was trying to control my life, it always got in my way of really living it.  From all that I learned from Dr. Maria, Kelly and my own experiences; I plan on living the shit out of my life, and I plan on doing it with the man who just grabbed his luggage off of the conveyer belt and is walking toward my car. With every step, I feel my Leo drug slowly seep in and melt my heart.
     
     

 
     
    Finally
    April, 2001
     
     
     
    “Baby, over here!”
    Forgetting for a minute that I’m in Oakland and there are about twenty people in a five foot radius that would have zero problem jacking my car, motor still running, I jump out of it and attack Leo’s face.
    “I missed you so much!”
    “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”  Pointing to the rolling cart behind him, “Is that cottage of yours prepared to handle this last load?”
    Clinging to him tightly, I whisper, “You mean…that cottage of ours.”
    After getting my final ear-full from the fat ass wanna-be police officer traffic guy for taking too long to load the car up, we set off for what I hope is a never-ending sex filled night.  You see, Leo and I haven’t “been together” since we got back together last month.  Crazy as it sounds for two people who used to maul each other, but it’s the truth.
    Last month when he showed up on my doorstep and asked me if I was finally ready to be afraid with him, we spent the entire evening talking about, and being sorry for (that would be me) everything that went wrong between us.  I’m not sure if it was exhaustion from anticipating his arrival or exhaustion from the last three years of my life that caught up to me, but I fell asleep in his arms on the couch and didn’t even wake up when he left for his early flight back to New York the next day.  We never even made it to the bedroom.  I woke in the morning to a bunch of wild flowers he picked from the creek below my cottage and a sweet note on the coffee table that said…
     
    “Have to wrap things up in NY.  Until I get back home, dream about me.”
     
    Truthfully, if it weren’t for the note, I would’ve thought everything about that night was a dream.  Leo was back in my life and I could hardly believe it!  Like a modern day Snow White, I cheerfully spent the next few weeks preparing the cottage for his impending move-in day.  I cleared everything out of my medicine cabinet that contained the words: wrinkle, itch, zit, rash, and flare up.  I disposed of all of my big ol’ period panties, hid my super absorbent tampons and heavy flow maxi pads, and promptly started receiving depo provera injections.  Now that sex is on the horizon, I’ve got to protect myself and Lord knows I drink way too much alcohol to be trusted to take a pill every day.  No babies, not yet, no thank you.  It’s time for me to have some long overdue fun, not change diapers!
    Seven days ago when Leo returned from New York with his first load of items to move into the cottage, you can bet your sweet ass I had huge plans for him to see my sweet ass.  I was NOT going to fall asleep this time!   And I didn’t, and not because I was having constant sex, it was because I had Kendall’s sweet little ass with me.  It wasn’t the plan, but Craig had a last minute business trip and his folks weren’t able to help him out.  That meant Chrissy, or as Kendall calls me, Ki-Ki, to the rescue. Kendall would be with me for Leo’s entire two-day visit before he had to go back to New York one final time.  Suffice it to say, my big plans to handcuff Leo to the bed and do things to him he had better hope to all that’s Holy no woman ever did to him in New York, were squashed.
    Kendall was apprehensive