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and Gabana sling backs.  I didn’t ask why.  I just graciously accepted all of the attention I had been seeking since our first dance at his high school graduation party back in 1986.  As I drove away from the coffee shop that day, I marveled at how much Kurt had grown in such a short period of time.
    After that day, Kurt and I exchanged a few concerned emails about Craig and Kendall, and for a minute it seemed that maybe we could be friends despite everything that happened. But, all of Kurt's good nature went out the window when he found out that Leo showed up on my doorstep and was moving back from New York and into my cottage.  I abruptly stopped hearing from him, and I guess it’s a good thing.  With Leo back in my life, Kurt can’t be, and so I’m relieved he made things easy for me by cutting off contact.  It’s nice not to be the bad guy for once.  Even nicer not to have to come up with a lie to avoid being the bad guy!  And, speaking of lies…telling them is something I vowed I’d never do again.  We all know keeping vows hasn’t exactly been my strong point.  But I have to give it everything I’ve got.  My recently resuscitated relationship with Leo depends on it.
    My effort to blend in with the other cars that are loading and unloading fails once again and the mean fat guy furiously taps his flashlight on my window to tell me to leave.  Pulling back into the fray, I once again get lost in my thoughts.
    Shortly after Kelly died, I was helping Craig pack up a few of her personal belongings. Don’t EVEN get me started on how heart-wrenching it is to decide which one of your dead best friends belongings get packed up to decay in the attic, get to remain in plain sight, or get donated to Goodwill.  There are no words.  Anyway, it was during this task that Craig broke down and told me the demands of his job required him to increase Kendall’s hours in daycare.  I had to figure something out!  There was NO WAY in hell Kelly would’ve had her daughter in daycare all day when she was alive, so there was NO WAY in hell I was going to allow her to be in it all day now that she was dead!  So, I worked out an arrangement with Craig where two days a week he’d pick up Kendall at two-fifteen and three days a week I’d pick her up at two-fifteen and keep her until Craig was done with work.  I admit, with the workload at the yoga studios, some days it’s a challenge and most days I’m exhausted.  But I wouldn’t give up my time with Kendall for anything in the world, and I can’t think of a single person who would ask me to.
    It’s only been a few weeks since I said goodbye to my therapist, Dr. Maria, but I already miss her so much.  What a weird way to end our time together, with an audio tape of the frantic message I left her after having phone sex with Leo.  The thought sends shivers up my spine, and I shake off the mortification of the whole thing by turning the radio louder.  I don’t have one second to be sad, embarrassed, or beat myself up, because right now I’m circling the arrival terminal at Oakland International airport looking for Leo and I want to look and feel my very best.   He’s been going back and forth from New York since we got back together to tie up some loose ends at work and pack up the apartment that he used to share with his best friend Taddeo.  When Leo told him he was moving in with me, I think the words Leo told me he muttered were “fucking idiot.”  I’m sure it was worse than that, but since I don’t have the ability to hack into any of his communication devices anymore, I’ll have to take his word for it.
    In anticipation of the rush of my Leo drug, I twist the pewter Banana Republic ring that he bought for me in Mill Valley - that I gave back to him in Monterey - that he gave back to me in front of my cottage last month. He told me I can only take it off when he buys me the “real deal.”  Not believing I’ll ever need more than I have with