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the carpenter hardly looked at it.
    “No, no,” protested the
behavioural chemist, shaking his head and waving his hands wildly. “It is not
ze Proof, no. I am a scientist! I know a proof ven I see vun. No, it is jest a
clue. It is a hint, a pointer. It is saying: look at ze chemical elements. Look
at ze Periodic Table. There you will see it written. Zat is where ze real proof
lies.”
    jixX tried hard to look
half-convinced.
    “So zat is vot I am doing. I
am studying ze chemical elements of ze Periodic Table. I am searching zem for a
Divine Message.” He fumbled in the pocket of his white lab coat for a short
while before pulling out another sheet of petromorphic ytterbium cellulose.
This was already covered with symbols. He handed it to jixX.
    “I am trying to make an
anagram of ze chemical elements in ze Periodic Table. An anagram zat vill spell
out a Divine Message. When I find one, zen zat will be clear proof!” He
indicated the sheet he had handed to jixX. “And zat is how far I have got so
far.”
    jixX stared down at the sheet
of paper-substitute in his hand. It read:
    ‘Ac Cu Se No Ta Ra
Bi Cs Cr I Be S W Ho Al Lw Er Eu Pt O He Re In Ba Si Cf A Na Ti Cd Am Po Xe Ni
N Fe Zn.’
    “You see?” asked fluX.
    “Er,” said jixX, shaking his
head slowly.
    “It sez: ‘Accuse not Arabic
scribes who all were up to here in basic, fanatic, damp oxen in Fez. N …’.”
    “It does?” asked jixX,
looking down at the message again.
    “Ya, but zat is as far as I
have gotten. Zere are still many chemical elements left. And not many vowels.”
    “Hmm, very interesting,” said
jixX tactfully, handing back the sheet. “Is it another pun?”
    “No, no,” said the
behavioural chemist excitedly. “I do not zink I am quite zere yet. But it is
all quite fascinating.”
    “Indeed,” said jixX, although
his tone of voice carried little conviction. He looked to the carpenter, but
the latter was in some sort of deep trance-like state. He decided now was a
good opportunity to make his excuses and leave.
    “Well, I think I’ll retire to
my cabin,” said jixX, rising from his seat. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you
both. See you in the morning.”

 

    Chapter 4
     
    jixX
returned to his
cabin looking forward to a good night’s sleep. Eight hours minimum, ideally
nine, maybe even ten. He found a pair of brand-new striped pyjamas in a drawer
and made himself ready for bed. The bunk wasn’t too comfortable, but it would
do. He switched off the light and gratefully let his head sink into the pillow.
    As he lay in the dark, a plan
slowly formed in his mind. When they got to Earth he would contact the relevant
authorities and get himself taken off this mission. Earth people were sensible,
or so he had always been led to believe. They would see the craziness of his
situation and relieve him of the captaincy. Crucially, he would be off the ship
before the dangerous return leg of the journey.
    In the meantime, he would
make the best he could of this trip: catch up on some reading, watch some
in-flight movies, and maybe check out the gym. He might even work on some
landscape design ideas that had been incubating in his mind over the past few
weeks. jixX smiled as he felt the first waves of sleep wash over him. What
could possibly go wrong?
    *
    The bliss lasted but a couple
of minutes. A distant sound of knocking made him open his eyes. He lay awake in
the darkness, listening to the irregular knocks, wondering what they might be.
His first thought was that it was LEP.
    “Are you awake, cap’n?” asked
LEP.
    His second thought was that
it was LEP.
    “What do you want?” he asked,
a little annoyed.
    The distant knocking sound
continued.
    “Well?” asked jixX, his
annoyance increasing.
    “Oh, it’s not me – if that’s
what you’re thinking.”
    “It is what I’m thinking.”
    “Not guilty,” said LEP. “I
think you’d better go and see for yourself.”
    “This isn’t one of your
‘little jokes’ is it,