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integral part of our identity. The conclusions we make about these events, as well as the meanings we assign to them, get ingrained into our psyche, creating the story line for our personal dramas.
    I want to make sure you understand that your story is not bad.
    In fact, it is probably your most precious commodity. But it is vital for you to know that even though your story is not bad, it is limiting.
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    T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w Your story encapsulates your existence, limiting it to a small, insignificant part of your humanity rather than allowing you access to your entire self. But as soon as you recognize your story, make peace with it, and extract its vital ingredients, you can step out of the smallness of your lowest thoughts and step into the fulfillment of your greatest dreams.
    D i s t i n g u i s h i n g Y o u r S t o r y Our stories contain the collection of feelings, beliefs, and conclusions that we have been accumulating and dragging around our entire lives. Our stories are heavy because they live inside our egos and our egos are almost always serious. They are seldom filled with light, love, and the frolicking delight of a child at play. Most often they are focused on the negative. The whole basis for our stories exists in what could have been, should have been, or might have been. Our stories are sprinkled with pain, loss, and regret and frosted over with hope, desire, and fantasy. Our dramas live in the memory of the past and in the fantasy of the future. Every negative thought about the past that enters our minds lives inside our stories, as do all our feelings of loss and hopelessness. Our fantasies about “The day this happens” or “When I finally reach my goal”
    live inside our stories. Rarely do our stories show up in the present moment, when we are simply being with what is. Like shadows, our stories follow us around wherever we go, hiding the truth of who we are. They are never far out of sight, but they can only be seen when they are examined in the light of day.
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    e x p l o r i n g t h e g r e at a n d m y s t e r i o u s s t o r y o f y o u Recently I led a weekend workshop as part of a seven-month Integrative Coaching Program that I teach. The second night of the workshop we decided to have a pajama party. Sixty of us curled up in our favorite pj’s and prepared for a fun-filled evening of “story time.” I was wearing my favorite Mandarin Chinese pajamas, while others came clad in flannels, nightdresses, and housecoats. Some of the men sported oversize T-shirts and boxer shorts with cute little prints. Since our focus that evening was to be on distinguishing and sharing our individual personal dramas, I wanted to create a light and uplifting atmosphere to offset the seriousness that most of us attach to our stories. We take our stories so seriously, I explained, because we believe they are the truth.
    The purpose of our pajama party was to explore and expose both our stories and the shadow beliefs that hold our dramas in place. I asked everyone to close their eyes and try to remember a time when they were small, before the age of five or six, when they felt lost, alone, sad, or scared—a time when something happened that jarred their reality. I asked them to notice whatever event came to mind and explained to them that this incident would, even though they might not understand its significance, hold a clue to the theme of their personal drama.
    I shared with the group what came up for me the first time I did this process. The incident that popped into my mind was a scene in front of a house I lived in when I was three. I could see many people running around, looking behind bushes, and talking secretly to one another. I was standing by the side of the house, huddled in a corner next to the wall. Someone had just robbed a store in our neighborhood, and the police thought the man had 43
    T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w run through our yard. My entire family and many