accommodate two
people as two fields of energy. The theory of the sorcerers was that the nature
of the rock and the manner in which it had been carved allowed the two bodies,
the two luminous balls, to intertwine their energy.
"I
took you to that cave on purpose," he continued, "not because I like
the place - I don't - but because it was created as an instrument to push the
apprentice deep into heightened awareness. But unfortunately, as it helps, it
also obscures issues. The ancient sorcerers were not given to thought. They
leaned toward action."
"You
always say that your benefactor was like that," I said.
"That's
my own exaggeration," he answered, "very much like when I say you're
a fool. My benefactor was a modern nagual, involved in the pursuit of freedom,
but he leaned toward action instead of thoughts. You're a modern nagual,
involved in the same quest, but you lean heavily toward the aberrations of
reason."
He must
have thought his comparison was very funny; his laughter echoed in the empty
room. When I brought the conversation back to the subject of the cave, he
pretended not to hear me.
I knew he
was pretending because of the glint in his eyes and the way he smiled.
"Last
night, I deliberately told you the first abstract core," he said, "in
the hope that by reflecting on the way I have acted with you over the years
you'll get an idea about the other cores. You've been with me for a long time
so you know me very well. During every minute of our association I have tried
to adjust my actions and thoughts to the patterns of the abstract cores.
"The
nagual Elias's story is another matter. Although it seems to be a story about
people, it is really a story about intent. Intent creates edifices before us
and invites us to enter them. This is the way sorcerers understand what is
happening around them."
Don Juan
reminded me that I had always insisted on trying to discover the underlying
order in everything he said to me. I thought he was criticizing me for my
attempt to turn whatever he was teaching me into a social science problem. I
began to tell him that my outlook had changed under his influence. He stopped
me and smiled.
"You
really don't think too well," he said and sighed. "I want you to
understand the underlying order of what I teach you. My objection is to what
you think is the underlying order. To you, it means secret procedures or a
hidden consistency. To me, it means two things: both the edifice that intent
manufactures in the blink of an eye and places in front of us to enter, and the
signs it gives us so we won't get lost once we are inside.
"As
you can see, the story of the nagual Elias was more than merely an account of
the sequential details that made up the event," he went on.
"Underneath all that was the edifice of intent. And the story was meant to
give you an idea of what the naguals of the past were like, so that you would
recognize how they acted in order to adjust their thoughts and actions to the
edifices of intent"
There was a
prolonged silence. I did not have anything to say. Rather than let the
conversation die, I said the first thing that came into my mind. I said that
from the stories I had heard about the nagual Elias I had formed a very
positive opinion of him. I liked the nagual Elias, but for unknown reasons,
everything don Juan had told me about the nagual Julian bothered me.
The mere
mention of my discomfort delighted don Juan beyond measure. He had to stand up
from his chair lest he choke on his laughter. He put his arm on my shoulder and
said that we either loved or hated those who were reflections of ourselves.
Again a
silly self-consciousness prevented me from asking him what he meant. Don Juan
kept on laughing, obviously aware of my mood. He finally commented that the nagual
Julian was like a child whose sobriety and moderation came always from without.
He had no inner discipline beyond his training as an apprentice in sorcery.
I had an
irrational urge to defend myself. I