understood and while I was driving out here just now he called me and it just so happensheâs at the airport right now but I decided not to go because I didnât want to have a big emotional drama (you mean like the one youâre playing out in Marlboro Manâs kitchen right now?) and Iâm finding myself vacillating between sadness over the end of our four-year relationship, regret over not going to see him in person, and confusion over how to feel about my upcoming move to Chicago. And where that will leave you and me, you big hunk of burning love.
âI ran over my dog today!â I blubbered and collapsed into another heap of impossible-to-corral tears. Marlboro Man was embracing me tightly now, knowing full well that his arms were the only offering he had for me at that moment. My face was buried in his neck and I continued to laugh, belting out an occasional âIâm sorryâ between my sobs, hoping in vain that the laughter would eventually prevail. I wanted to continue, to tell him about J, to give him the complete story behind my unexpected outburst. But âI ran over my dogâ was all I could muster. It was the easier thing to explain. Marlboro Man could understand that, wrap his brain around it. But the uninvited surfer newly-ex-boyfriend dangling at the airport? It was a little more information than I had the strength to share that night.
He continued holding me in his kitchen until my chest stopped heaving and the wellspring of snot began to dry. I opened my eyes and found I was in a different country altogether, The Land of His Embrace. It was a peaceful, restful, safe place.
Marlboro Man gave me one last comforting hug before our bodies finally separated, and he casually leaned against the counter. âHey, if it makes you feel any better,â he said, âIâve run over so many damn dogs out here, I canât even begin to count them.â
It was a much-neededâif unlikelyâmoment of perspective for me.
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W E SHARED a Marlboro Manâprepared meal of rib eye steaks, baked potatoes, and corn. Iâd been a vegetarian for sevenyears before returning home to Oklahoma and hadnât touched a speck of beef to my lips in ages, which made my first bite of the rib eye that much more life-altering. The stress of the day had melted away in Marlboro Manâs arms, and now that same man had just rescued me forever from a life without beef. Whatever happened between the cowboy and me, I told myself, I never wanted to be without steak again.
We did the dishes and talkedâabout the cattle business, about my job back in L.A., about his local small town, about family. Then we adjourned to the sofa to watch an action movie, pausing occasionally to remind each other once again of the reason God invented lips. Curiously, though, while sexy and smoldering, Marlboro Man kept his heavy breathing to a minimum. This surprised me. He was not only masculine and manly, he lived in the middle of nowhereâone might expect that because of the dearth of women within a twenty-mile range, heâd be more susceptible than most to getting lost in a heated moment. But he wasnât. He was a gentleman through and throughâa sizzling specimen of a gentleman who was singlehandedly introducing me to a whole new universe of animal attraction, but a gentleman, nonetheless. And though my mercury was rising rapidly, his didnât seem to be in any hurry.
He walked me to my car as the final credits rolled, offering to follow me all the way home if I wanted. âOh, no,â I said. âI can get home, no problem.â Iâd lived in L.A. for years; itâs not like driving alone at night bothered me. I started my car and watched him walk back toward his front door, admiring every last thing about him. He turned around and waved, and as he walked inside I felt, more than ever, that I was in big trouble. What was I doing? Why was I here? I was getting ready