Read The Onion Eaters for Free Online
Authors: J. P. Donleavy
visitors about departing. May be gone before dawn. Rose flashed her eyes at me, licked her lips and went round the hall flaring out her skirt as she perused paintings and armour. I saw her lift up and peek under a steel codpiece. As Erconwald stood continually bowing. Heaping upon me good wishes for the night. Deep sleep, muscles replenished, the soul heartened, I do wish good person, to see you again full of joy upon your rising. Impossible to fit in a word about the god damn snakes. As he slowly backed away. Withdrawing as he put it from your good presence. Faint strains now. Of music. Between the explosions of sea water. An organ. Seems to come from that small window giving on the courtyard. Good God. That was a scream. Of unbelievable octave. Elmer. Wake up. Murder. Somewhere.
Clementine’s shuffling billiard slippers descending steps past the coffin room into the main corridor. Screams coming from that way. Just take this spear off the wall. If it is a spear. Can’t see a thing. What if they’re loose. The snakes. Get back to my room. And close down the iron shutter over the door. What an unspeakable but life saving thing to do. If the god damn snakes are having a field day. Or night.
Clementine, spear first, passing on the balcony over the great hall. Screams stop. Death has stilled the victim. A light and sound of feet behind and ahead. What’s this coming. Thundering down the hall. A knee high breeze with an unearthly squeal. And grunt. And has. O my goodness. Hit Percival. Somewhere low. It sounds like. It is.
Fred
The
Pig
Like
The natives
Cruising unlit
In the
Night
4
Oscar woke me in the morning putting a steaming pail of water into the jug on my washstand. Left eye glued shut, the right opening on a sunny day showing a world. Out there of rocks bulging from a meadow sloping upwards into a purple sharp pointed mountain. And north a ragged edge of earth beyond a blue black sea. Little white caps here and there. Poor Percival last night was pole-axed. Rose came hurtling out of the shadows. After Fred. In a tight silk kimono. Her bosoms heaving up and down. Uttering language likely to lead to a breach of the peace. Already badly broken.
After a night of such terror hope rises wearily. Rose took one end and I the other of Percival. Lugged him into the nearest room. Of some splendour with white embellished ceilings. Tapestries and carved four poster bed. A large dressing table with pots and jars, silver hand mirrors and tortoise combs. As I felt his heavy but steady pulse Percival gasped that it was her ladyship’s room in which he might breathe his last.
But just as I dry a globule of moisture from an ear lobe this apt morning, Percival comes in. With a tray aloft bearing a great brown pot, a plate covered with rashers, three fried eggs, tomato and stack of brown toast. A jar of marmalade and white bowl of golden butter.
‘Good morning sir.’
‘Percival are you all right.’
‘Fit as a cello. Didn’t the pig last night knock the knee back into permanent place.’
‘I’m delighted to hear that.’
‘Grand as it ever was.’
‘Ihope our guests haven’t departed I’d like to say goodbye.’
‘Iwould think you would have ample time sir, as I watched them a moment ago carrying in a stream of stuff that would sink a ship. And this morning there are five of them where I would swear there were only four last night. Now how’s this little spot for you here by the gun turret. Give you a view of the sea on this fine morning.’
‘What’s that.’
‘What sir.’
‘Grazing there, just by the wall.’
‘Ah that’s Toro.’
‘Good Lord. Whose is he.’
‘Yours sir by the lack of claimants but I wouldn’t ever be nearer him than I’d be to a thick wall you could get over in a hurry.’
‘Is he vicious.’
‘Ah if he has a few old cows around he’s harmless enough. I thought I’d mention sir I took the liberty of opening up an account beyond there at the shop.’
‘That’s
Clementine’s shuffling billiard slippers descending steps past the coffin room into the main corridor. Screams coming from that way. Just take this spear off the wall. If it is a spear. Can’t see a thing. What if they’re loose. The snakes. Get back to my room. And close down the iron shutter over the door. What an unspeakable but life saving thing to do. If the god damn snakes are having a field day. Or night.
Clementine, spear first, passing on the balcony over the great hall. Screams stop. Death has stilled the victim. A light and sound of feet behind and ahead. What’s this coming. Thundering down the hall. A knee high breeze with an unearthly squeal. And grunt. And has. O my goodness. Hit Percival. Somewhere low. It sounds like. It is.
Fred
The
Pig
Like
The natives
Cruising unlit
In the
Night
4
Oscar woke me in the morning putting a steaming pail of water into the jug on my washstand. Left eye glued shut, the right opening on a sunny day showing a world. Out there of rocks bulging from a meadow sloping upwards into a purple sharp pointed mountain. And north a ragged edge of earth beyond a blue black sea. Little white caps here and there. Poor Percival last night was pole-axed. Rose came hurtling out of the shadows. After Fred. In a tight silk kimono. Her bosoms heaving up and down. Uttering language likely to lead to a breach of the peace. Already badly broken.
After a night of such terror hope rises wearily. Rose took one end and I the other of Percival. Lugged him into the nearest room. Of some splendour with white embellished ceilings. Tapestries and carved four poster bed. A large dressing table with pots and jars, silver hand mirrors and tortoise combs. As I felt his heavy but steady pulse Percival gasped that it was her ladyship’s room in which he might breathe his last.
But just as I dry a globule of moisture from an ear lobe this apt morning, Percival comes in. With a tray aloft bearing a great brown pot, a plate covered with rashers, three fried eggs, tomato and stack of brown toast. A jar of marmalade and white bowl of golden butter.
‘Good morning sir.’
‘Percival are you all right.’
‘Fit as a cello. Didn’t the pig last night knock the knee back into permanent place.’
‘I’m delighted to hear that.’
‘Grand as it ever was.’
‘Ihope our guests haven’t departed I’d like to say goodbye.’
‘Iwould think you would have ample time sir, as I watched them a moment ago carrying in a stream of stuff that would sink a ship. And this morning there are five of them where I would swear there were only four last night. Now how’s this little spot for you here by the gun turret. Give you a view of the sea on this fine morning.’
‘What’s that.’
‘What sir.’
‘Grazing there, just by the wall.’
‘Ah that’s Toro.’
‘Good Lord. Whose is he.’
‘Yours sir by the lack of claimants but I wouldn’t ever be nearer him than I’d be to a thick wall you could get over in a hurry.’
‘Is he vicious.’
‘Ah if he has a few old cows around he’s harmless enough. I thought I’d mention sir I took the liberty of opening up an account beyond there at the shop.’
‘That’s