John was completely, utterly serious.
"The old woman can go anywhere, but I'm not that good. I still need a body to hold onto. It's easier if they're unconscious. Otherwise you gotta force your way in. I never quite got the hang of that."
Dr. Zabora's thoughts mutinied. They surrendered completely and her mouth fell open. She blinked. After a moment, she gathered the shattered pieces and scoffed. "John--"
But the soldier knew what she was going to say. "You're a scientist, Doc. You have two possible explanations here. You tell me what's more likely: that a coma patient woke up and didn't ask for a glass of water or anything, that he somehow knew how to rig his monitors so he wouldn't be missed, that he snuck out of the hospital without being seen and went to a drug house to convince them to stop selling pills to a fellow patient he had never met--"
"Gabriel . . ." Amarta whispered.
"Or that an old monk taught a man in pain a secret older than civilization, a way to hang on to the last shred of his dignity."
Dr. Zabora put her hand to her mouth.
"I'd come back from hitching and it would hurt—bad—from whatever they did. But nothing like having to live through it. The worst part was the fear—that I'd come back and find they'd cut off my dick or one of my hands or something." John chuckled.
Amarta didn't speak. She had no idea what to say.
John waited.
"I . . ." Amarta looked over John's head at the racks of limbs. Part of her wanted to believe. Part of her knew it was impossible and there must be another explanation. So she didn't try to decide. She couldn't. Not then. There was a more important question anyway. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you were right. Back in the room."
"About?"
"You're good, Doc. You used my own words against me. And you were right. Even if you repeated everything I just said—which you won't—no one would ever believe you. Ever. So we both win. You get the truth so you don't gotta go around worrying about me shooting anyone or killing myself, and I don't put you in any further risk. Everybody wins."
Dr. Zabora took a long, deep breath and exhaled. She was a psychiatrist, a scientist, an expert in human behavior. That's what she told herself anyway. Captain Regent didn't appear to be lying. Certainly he believed what he said was true. Was he that far gone? Was her ego, her desire to see progress in her patient, preventing her from accepting the truth?
Astral projection, or whatever it was, sounded an awful lot like Sergeant Wilkins's conviction that a global conspiracy of human collaborators was implanting alien mind-ghosts in people's heads, that the visitors were watching everything in secret from behind our eyes. Like John, Derek had a "healthy" paranoia. He believed he was being bugged, followed, and he was willing to kill his family and himself to prevent them from being infected.
Amarta knew that John Regent was made to endure the worst tortures imaginable. That much was sworn by the testimony of his body. Under such duress, had his mind simply cracked? Wouldn't anyone's?
It didn't matter whether Ayn had good intentions or ill. She could still be right. And if she was, then the captain needed to be hospitalized. Immediately. For his own sake.
John moved his chair in an arc toward the door.
"Wait." Dr. Zabora raised her arms. She hit the limbs above her head again. "That's it?"
John stopped. He swung the chair back around.
"John . . ." Amarta wanted to explain to him that knowing didn't make her feel any better, that if anything, stories of mind-hitching only pushed her more towards committal. Would that crush him? Would he think she was one of the bad guys? Her mouth hung empty of words.
Regent smiled. "It doesn't matter, Doc. Pretty soon things are going to be out of our hands anyway. I just wanted you to know the score." He turned again and pushed the door open with his good arm. "I'll call my pops tomorrow and tell him it's no dice. Get Corporal Gonzales