Read The Mill House for Free Online
Authors: Susan Lewis
naked against her, she slipped her arms round his neck and pressed her belly to his. He was hard and ready, and as his tongue moved deeply into her mouth she fought back the need
to break free. The reluctance was false, she was deceiving herself, because her body was responding, she could feel it in her nipples, between her legs and in the sheer pleasure of his skin on hers. She didn't want this to stop, so she wouldn't make it.
Taking her to the bed he lay down with her, and for a long time he merely toyed with her, using his fingers and mouth. The more exquisite the sensations became, the more tightly she could feel herself tensing. She knew he could sense it, but he didn't stop. His fingers were between her legs and though she was moist and inviting, she was already turning rigid inside. She wanted to cry and scream, run away and hold onto him. Why couldn't it be the way it always had? Why was she so afraid to let go?
Lifting his mouth from her breasts, he lowered it to hers and used his hand to part her legs. Her head was starting to spin, sweat was breaking out on her skin.
'Ssh, it's OK,' he soothed, as he lay over her.
She tried to relax. She put her arms and legs around him, and closed her eyes tightly. Her heart was thudding a powerful beat. She tried to think only of that, as he started to enter her. Somewhere, at a distance, she could feel the craving for him to go all the way in, but already her hands were pushing against him because the panic was coming. She tried distracting herself with thoughts of Shannon and Dan, the silly things they said, what they needed for school, what their schedules were for tomorrow. He was moving in and out of her now, not fast, but not gently either. She gripped
the sheet either side of her and kept her eyes closed as he raised himself up to look down at their bodies. A horrible and devastating thought suddenly flashed in her mind. When was the last time he'd been inside a woman? Had it been her, or was it someone else? She started to choke, fighting for air.
He was moving faster now. Her hands flew to his shoulders. He didn't stop. She pushed, but still he didn't stop. And then the terrible blackness was there, swooping around her, trying to obliterate her, sucking her down and down. She couldn't breathe. She was so afraid she wanted to scream, but no sound came.
'No,' she finally gasped. 'Please, I can't.'
'Julia, for God's sake.'
'No!'
'I'm almost there ...'
'Josh stop!'
But he didn't, and as he continued to pound she started to fight, so desperate to make it stop that she didn't care if she hurt him.
'Julia, anyone would think I was raping you,' he protested.
'Just stop. Please,' she begged.
Biting down on his frustration he rolled off her and onto his back. 'Jesus Christ,' he growled, as she shot up from the bed. 'Just what kind of a marriage is this?'
'I'm sorry,' she gulped, scrabbling for her nightie. 'I'm so sorry. I wanted it to be .. .'
'Don't say any more,' he seethed. 'I've heard it all before ...'
'But I tried, I swear ...'
'Well obviously not hard enough. Christ, I'm sick of it. Damned well fucking sick of it.'
'Well, it's no fun for me either,' she cried. 'You surely can't think I want it to be like this.'
'Frankly I don't know what you want, but I'm sure as hell not going to lie here discussing it. There's no point pretending we've got a marriage here, because it's just a farce, a total fucking charade. So why don't you just go off to the spare room, where you usually hide ...'
'I go there to prevent this kind of scene,' she shouted, 'not because I'm hiding, or because I want to. And don't you dare try ordering me out of my own bedroom ...'
'Then get into bed, for Christ's sake, and stop shouting or you'll wake the children.'
Still smouldering with anger and shame, she waited for him to move over to his own side, then slipped in under the sheet next to him. Neither of them spoke again, but she could sense his fury as though it were an actual
to break free. The reluctance was false, she was deceiving herself, because her body was responding, she could feel it in her nipples, between her legs and in the sheer pleasure of his skin on hers. She didn't want this to stop, so she wouldn't make it.
Taking her to the bed he lay down with her, and for a long time he merely toyed with her, using his fingers and mouth. The more exquisite the sensations became, the more tightly she could feel herself tensing. She knew he could sense it, but he didn't stop. His fingers were between her legs and though she was moist and inviting, she was already turning rigid inside. She wanted to cry and scream, run away and hold onto him. Why couldn't it be the way it always had? Why was she so afraid to let go?
Lifting his mouth from her breasts, he lowered it to hers and used his hand to part her legs. Her head was starting to spin, sweat was breaking out on her skin.
'Ssh, it's OK,' he soothed, as he lay over her.
She tried to relax. She put her arms and legs around him, and closed her eyes tightly. Her heart was thudding a powerful beat. She tried to think only of that, as he started to enter her. Somewhere, at a distance, she could feel the craving for him to go all the way in, but already her hands were pushing against him because the panic was coming. She tried distracting herself with thoughts of Shannon and Dan, the silly things they said, what they needed for school, what their schedules were for tomorrow. He was moving in and out of her now, not fast, but not gently either. She gripped
the sheet either side of her and kept her eyes closed as he raised himself up to look down at their bodies. A horrible and devastating thought suddenly flashed in her mind. When was the last time he'd been inside a woman? Had it been her, or was it someone else? She started to choke, fighting for air.
He was moving faster now. Her hands flew to his shoulders. He didn't stop. She pushed, but still he didn't stop. And then the terrible blackness was there, swooping around her, trying to obliterate her, sucking her down and down. She couldn't breathe. She was so afraid she wanted to scream, but no sound came.
'No,' she finally gasped. 'Please, I can't.'
'Julia, for God's sake.'
'No!'
'I'm almost there ...'
'Josh stop!'
But he didn't, and as he continued to pound she started to fight, so desperate to make it stop that she didn't care if she hurt him.
'Julia, anyone would think I was raping you,' he protested.
'Just stop. Please,' she begged.
Biting down on his frustration he rolled off her and onto his back. 'Jesus Christ,' he growled, as she shot up from the bed. 'Just what kind of a marriage is this?'
'I'm sorry,' she gulped, scrabbling for her nightie. 'I'm so sorry. I wanted it to be .. .'
'Don't say any more,' he seethed. 'I've heard it all before ...'
'But I tried, I swear ...'
'Well obviously not hard enough. Christ, I'm sick of it. Damned well fucking sick of it.'
'Well, it's no fun for me either,' she cried. 'You surely can't think I want it to be like this.'
'Frankly I don't know what you want, but I'm sure as hell not going to lie here discussing it. There's no point pretending we've got a marriage here, because it's just a farce, a total fucking charade. So why don't you just go off to the spare room, where you usually hide ...'
'I go there to prevent this kind of scene,' she shouted, 'not because I'm hiding, or because I want to. And don't you dare try ordering me out of my own bedroom ...'
'Then get into bed, for Christ's sake, and stop shouting or you'll wake the children.'
Still smouldering with anger and shame, she waited for him to move over to his own side, then slipped in under the sheet next to him. Neither of them spoke again, but she could sense his fury as though it were an actual
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