Read The Mill House for Free Online Page A

presence in the bed with them. With a horrible burn of fear she recalled the last time they'd had a scene like this, and how he'd accused her then of wanting to push him into someone else's arms. But that was crazy, because she'd almost rather die than think of him with anyone but her. She'd wondered at the time if he'd been setting himself up with an excuse, blaming her for an affair he was either already having, or was about to have, and she was asking herself the same questions now. Had he found someone who welcomed his passion and even matched his skill as a lover? Was he starting to fall in love with her, whoever she was? The very idea of it tore at her
    so painfully that she couldn't bring herself to entertain it a moment longer.
    She turned to look at him, listened to him breathing, then reached out to touch him.
    'Don't,' he growled.
    She took her hand away and swallowed hard on everything she wanted to say. He was right, it had all been said before, and repeating it wouldn't help. But they obviously couldn't go on like this, she had to find out what was wrong with her, why this was happening, even though she hardly knew what more to do. She'd been through hours and hours of therapy, she'd even had physical check-ups to make sure nothing had changed inside her. The results had shown her to be a perfectly normal woman with a healthy body and rational mind that, OK, bore the scars of her past, but whose didn't? And she'd faced up to everything now, talked it all through with Josh and the therapist, so there was no reason to think any of it was coming back to haunt her.
    A terrible hollow seemed to open up in her heart, because she knew, she just didn't want to admit, that the past was somehow involved in this. She couldn't go there again, she simply couldn't. She'd almost rather blame Josh and his suspected affair for the way she was rejecting him, than have to do as the therapist advised and confront all the horrifying reasons why her father might have abandoned her. Besides, it made no sense for something that had happened almost twenty-five years ago to be having such a profound effect on her now. And even if it was, there was no reason for it to be impacting on the way she responded to
    Josh, so maybe his infidelity really was at the root of the problem. Maybe, subconsciously, she'd suspected him of an affair for much longer than she realised, and if anything would play havoc with her sex drive, that definitely would.
     
    Chapter Two
     
    The following morning Julia was up long before everyone else, so was able to shower, dress, load the washing machine and set up breakfast in the garden before the usual morning mayhem got under way. It was a bit of a treat to eat outside on a school and work day, but it was beautifully warm and sunny for September and she wanted to do something for Josh that she knew he enjoyed, even though she didn't for a minute think it was going to make up for last night.
    Dan was next to emerge, all sleepy blue eyes and tousled dark hair, yawning loudly as he told Julia about some new gizmo they were talking up on GMTV. After promising to consider it, she steered him into the laundry room for a clean pair of socks, then watched him go motoring off around the garden, pretending to be a Porsche.
    Josh was close behind him, wearing his black suit trousers and a crisp white shirt and reading the paper that had been delivered through the door. Julia watched him as he descended the last
     
    few steps into the basement kitchen, but he didn't look up. He merely glanced at the empty table, then registered the one in the gazebo, before picking up the coffee pot and carrying it outside.
    Unsurprised, though dismayed by the cold shoulder, Julia said nothing, simply followed him out with the milk and sugar and was just filling Dan's bowl with cereal when Shannon came thundering down the stairs yelling, 'Mum! Mum!'
    Julia turned as she came flying out through the French windows clutching a magazine. 'Oh