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coffee on the patio of some cafe. I coul d do this.
    Except I couldn’t. My feet were rooted and refused to budge and my heart was about to rip out of my chest. I could feel it pushing against my ribs with each beat. I stared at Nina, at the door, and then at the tray in my hands, and felt like I was Alice in Wonderland looking down at everything that suddenly shrank in size. The floor beneath me caved in and I would have fallen through, I know I would have, if Nina hadn’t reached out and ste adied me.
    The teacups rattled and hot liquid splashed onto the tray, droplets landing on my fingers as I gripped t he handle.
    “Deep breath, Diane. A dee p breath.”
    Nina breathed in and I followed her example. We breathed out together. She took a few steps backward and pushed open the screen door. I took one step forward, then another. I tried to ignore the pressure in my chest and the fact that my eyes were filling with tears. I tried to ignore everything except for the woman who waited for me to ste p outside.
    My hands shook but I took another step. I had tunnel vision. I focused on Nina and h er smile.
    The moment I did it, the moment I crossed the threshold and stepped onto the porch, the weight that pressed so hard against my chest lifted. It was strange. I drank in the sunshine, the fresh air, and the feel of life around me. Nina took hold of the tray and set it down on the wic ker table.
    “Did something happen to the furniture? I thought it was white?” We’d picked up a set at a local garage sale when we’d first moved in. Brian had been determined to blend in; he didn’t want us to have the “condo” look about us, even though I thought whatever look we had would fit in. We used to tour the garage sales when we were first married but now we never took the time. The odd Saturday we had off we enjoyed lounging in bed and eating fresh croissants with our coffee while checking the news. But there had been a community garage sale and so Brian felt it would be a good way to get to know our neighbors. And get to know the m we did.
    Bob and Jenny lived down the street with four kids. Chad and Natasha lived two doors down with a house full of dogs. Sherri and Darryl lived a block over with their hockey team’s worth of kids. Every couple we met had children. We seemed to be the only childless couple around, unless you counted Doug and Leona, who lived next door. They were a bit older and no doubt would have grandchildren running around their yard sooner or later.
    We had meals brought over to us to welcome us to the neighborhood after that garage sale, and had more comments than I could count on the wicker set we’d bought from some house across the park. It almost felt like Desperate Housewives . I kept waiting for Bree Van de Kamp to show up with a basket of fresh-baked muffins.
    “See, isn’t this nice?” Nina ignored my comment and sat down before she poured the tea. I could tell the brew was a bit strong, but that was my fault.
    I sank down in my chair and let out a long sigh. This was nice. It was a beau tiful day.
    Nina set the baby monitor down on the table between us and turned up the volume. I smiled my thanks and leaned back, soaking in the fresh outdoors and willing myself to relax.
    One step at a time. That was all it took. One step until I was back to being the woman I used to be. I had no idea I’d change in such a drastic way once I had Grace. No one had prepared me for the emotional influx and inse curities.
    “Have you heard from Brian at all?” It seemed like forever since I last spoke with my husband. I knew he was busy; he was always busy when overseas, and the time difference didn’t help that much. He once told me that his goal when away was to make it home ahead of schedule, so I hated to bo ther him.
    “The phone has been very quiet lately.” Nina sipped at her tea, her focus out on the lawn.
    “Why hasn’t he called? It’s not like him at all. He should be home any day, but I