Everything
felt so heavy, as if I was moving through syrup. I could feel myself shutting
down. My consciousness slipping away as I sensed others entering the alley.
Strong hands caught me as I fell and the last thing I remembered before I lost
consciousness was Edward’s face looking down at me.
James. Help me James.
And then my world went black.
- X -
Chapter 5: James
For the first time in as long as
I could remember I didn’t dream about fire.
I dreamed about her. I dreamed
that she was at my side. Her soft and luxurious body, sharing my heat. I
dreamed of a life together, here on the mountain. I dreamed of a life together,
a road we would travel into a shared future.
When I awoke, I reached out for
her. Extending an arm to make sure she was close and to pull her closer still.
Except she was never there. I was momentarily at a loss. She should be there.
We were supposed to be together. And then I remembered.
She’d left me.
Technically, I guess I’d left
her, but she’d made it clear that whatever we had wasn’t going to work. Not on
her terms. Not on my terms. I could have fought harder. Tried to find some kind
of compromise, but I wasn’t sure such a thing was even possible.
When we were together, it was
like an addiction. I don’t think either of us could have lived with any kind of
long distance compromise where we weren’t always part of each other’s life.
I went to bed alone.
I dreamed of her.
I woke up alone.
It didn’t have to be that way.
Darla had made it clear she was willing to share my bed, even on a casual
basis. Physical intimacy with no strings attached. She wasn’t the only bitch
sniffing around. I wasn’t their pack leader, not officially anyway, but I was
the closest thing they had to one right now. Over time I began to suspect there
was some kind of organized, ongoing effort to get me paired up with any
available female.
They thought I would give in to
temptation, forget about Carrie and claim one of them, and by extension the
pack, as my own. If that was their plan it was never going to work. I was
lonely. I craved companionship. But what I had felt with Carrie was so far
above and beyond any kind of connection I had ever felt before that the idea of
any kind of sexual encounter with another woman left me feeling cold and dead
inside.
I had always envied those who
had found their true mate. The one they were fated to spend the rest of their
life with. The one that completed them. I had never expected to find my own.
Not after Charlotte. Not after they burned my pack and I turned my back on my
own kind.
For years I had been lost. I had
turned my hands to many things. I had been a criminal, a soldier and a killer.
When I was lost I had hopped in and out of the beds of humans and shifters
alike. I hadn’t been looking for anything more than physical gratification. My
need was just an itch that needed to be scratched before moving on.
But Carrie had changed all that.
For the first time in my life I had felt it. The kind of connection that so
many others had tried to explain to me. I had found my true mate. Except it was
impossible. Humans and shifters could fall in love, sure. Although it rarely
lasted. But not like this. The connection between us, and the effect it had on
us, shouldn’t have been possible. In the end it all felt like a cruel joke.
Since she had gone, every day
had fallen into the similar routine. I’d awaken and go for a run, before
bathing and throwing myself into any kind of work that kept me busy. Nothing in
the camp that was broken stayed broken for long. I chopped wood, built
shelters, hunted and cooked. All in a fruitless attempt to forget about her. It
didn’t work, of course. But by the end of the day I was usually too tired to do
anything other than fall asleep. I couldn’t forget her, but I made sure I
didn’t have the energy to dwell on her.
Before I had left I promised
Carrie that I would come find her. That I was on a mission