Read The Inspector-General for Free Online Page B

what he put into it. I ought to have
pitched it out of the window. He starves me the whole day. His tea is so
peculiar—it smells of fish, not tea. So why should I—The idea!
    GOVERNOR
(scared)
. Excuse me! I assure you, it's not my fault. I always
have good beef in the market here. The Kholmogory merchants bring it,
and they are sober, well-behaved people. I'm sure I don't know where he
gets his bad meat from. But if anything is wrong, may I suggest that you
allow me to take you to another place?
    KHLESTAKOV. No, I thank you. I don't care to leave. I know what
the other place is—the jail. What right have you, I should like
to know—how dare you?—Why, I'm in the government service at St.
Petersburg.
(Puts on a bold front.)
I—I—I—
    GOVERNOR
(aside)
. My God, how angry he is. He has found out everything.
Those damned merchants have told him everything.
    KHLESTAKOV
(with bravado)
. I won't go even if you come here with your
whole force. I'll go straight to the minister.
(Bangs his fist on the
table.)
What do you mean? What do you mean?
    GOVERNOR
(drawing himself up stiffly and shaking all over)
. Have pity
on me. Don't ruin me. I have a wife and little children. Don't bring
misfortune on a man.
    KHLESTAKOV. No, I won't go. What's that got to do with me? Must I go
to jail because you have a wife and little children? Great!
(Bobchinsky
looks in at the door and disappears in terror.)
No, much obliged to you.
I will not go.
    GOVERNOR
(trembling)
. It was my inexperience. I swear to you, it was
nothing but my inexperience and insufficient means. Judge for yourself.
The salary I get is not enough for tea and sugar. And if I have taken
bribes, they were mere trifles—something for the table, or a coat or
two. As for the officer's widow to whom they say I gave a beating, she's
in business now, and it's a slander, it's a slander that I beat her.
Those scoundrels here invented the lie. They are ready to murder me.
That's the kind of people they are.
    KHLESTAKOV. Well. I've nothing to do with them.
(Reflecting.)
I
don't see, though, why you should talk to me about your scoundrels or
officer's widow. An officer's widow is quite a different matter.—But
don't you dare to beat me. You can't do it to me—no, sir, you can't.
The idea! Look at him! I'll pay, I'll pay the money. Just now I'm out of
cash. That's why I stay here—because I haven't a single kopek.
    GOVERNOR
(aside)
. Oh, he's a shrewd one. So that's what he's aiming
at? He's raised such a cloud of dust you can't tell what direction he's
going. Who can guess what he wants? One doesn't know where to begin. But
I will try. Come what may, I'll try—hit or miss.
(Aloud.)
H'm, if you
really are in want of money, I'm ready to serve you. It is my duty to
assist strangers in town.
    KHLESTAKOV. Lend me some, lend me some. Then I'll settle up immediately
with the landlord. I only want two hundred rubles. Even less would do.
    GOVERNOR. There's just two hundred rubles.
(Giving him the money.)
Don't
bother to count it.
    KHLESTAKOV
(taking it)
. Very much obliged to you. I'll send it back to
you as soon as I get home. I just suddenly found myself without—H'm—I
see you are a gentleman. Now it's all different.
    GOVERNOR
(aside)
. Well, thank the Lord, he's taken the money. Now I
suppose things will move along smoothly. I slipped four hundred instead
of two into his hand.
    KHLESTAKOV. Ho, Osip!
(Osip enters.)
Tell the servant to come.
(To the
Governor and Dobchinsky.)
Please be seated.
(To Dobchinsky.)
Please take
a seat, I beg of you.
    GOVERNOR. Don't trouble. We can stand.
    KHLESTAKOV. But, please, please be seated. I now see perfectly how
open-hearted and generous you are. I confess I thought you had come to
put me in—
(To Dobchinsky.)
Do take a chair.
    The Governor and Dobchinsky sit down. Bobchinsky looks in at the door
and listens.
    GOVERNOR
(aside)
. I must be bolder. He wants us to pretend he is
incognito. Very well, we will talk nonsense, too. We'll pretend we
haven't