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idea!
    OSIP. Hadn't I better call the landlord here?
    KHLESTAKOV. What do I want the landlord for? Go and tell him yourself.
    OSIP. But really, master—
    KHLESTAKOV. Well, go, the deuce take you. Call the landlord.
    Osip goes out.
Scene III
    KHLESTAKOV
(alone)
. I am so ravenously hungry. I took a little stroll
thinking I could walk off my appetite. But, hang it, it clings. If I
hadn't dissipated so in Penza I'd have had enough money to get home
with. The infantry captain did me up all right. Wonderful the way the
scoundrel cut the cards! It didn't take more than a quarter of an hour
for him to clean me out of my last penny. And yet I would give
anything to have another set-to with him. Only I never will have the
chance.—What a rotten town this is! You can't get anything on credit in
the grocery shops here. It's deucedly mean, it is.
(He whistles, first
an air from Robert le Diable, then a popular song, then a blend of the
two.)
No one's coming.
Scene IV
    Khlestakov, Osip, and a Servant.
    SERVANT. The landlord sent me up to ask what you want.
    KHLESTAKOV. Ah, how do you do, brother! How are you? How are you?
    SERVANT. All right, thank you.
    KHLESTAKOV. And how are you getting on in the inn? Is business good?
    SERVANT. Yes, business is all right, thank you.
    KHLESTAKOV. Many guests?
    SERVANT. Plenty.
    KHLESTAKOV. See here, good friend. They haven't sent me dinner yet.
Please hurry them up! See that I get it as soon as possible. I have some
business to attend to immediately after dinner.
    SERVANT. The landlord said he won't let you have anything any more. He
was all for going to the Governor to-day and making a complaint against
you.
    KHLESTAKOV. What's there to complain about? Judge for yourself, friend.
Why, I've got to eat. If I go on like this I'll turn into a skeleton.
I'm hungry, I'm not joking.
    SERVANT. Yes, sir, that's what he said. "I won't let him have no
dinner," he said, "till he pays for what he has already had." That was
his answer.
    KHLESTAKOV. Try to persuade him.
    SERVANT. But what shall I tell him?
    KHLESTAKOV. Explain that it's a serious matter, I've got to eat. As for
the money, of course—He thinks that because a muzhik like him can go
without food a whole day others can too. The idea!
    SERVANT. Well, all right. I'll tell him.
    The Servant and Osip go out.
Scene V
    Khlestakov alone.
    KHLESTAKOV. A bad business if he refuses to let me have anything. I'm
so hungry. I've never been so hungry in my life. Shall I try to raise
something on my clothes? Shall I sell my trousers? No, I'd rather starve
than come home without a St. Petersburg suit. It's a shame Joachim
wouldn't let me have a carriage on hire. It would have been great to
ride home in a carriage, drive up under the porte-cochere of one of the
neighbors with lamps lighted and Osip behind in livery. Imagine the stir
it would have created. "Who is it? What's that?" Then my footman walks
in
(draws himself up and imitates)
and an-nounces: "Ivan Aleksandrovich
Khlestakov of St. Petersburg. Will you receive him?" Those country
lubbers don't even know what it means to "receive." If any lout of
a country squire pays them a visit, he stalks straight into the
drawing-room like a bear. Then you step up to one of their pretty girls
and say: "Dee-lighted, madam."
(Rubs his hands and bows.)
Phew!
(Spits.)
I feel positively sick, I'm so hungry.
Scene VI
    Khlestakov, Osip, and later the Servant.
    KHLESTAKOV. Well?
    OSIP. They're bringing dinner.
    KHLESTAKOV
(claps his hands and wriggles in his chair)
. Dinner, dinner,
dinner!
    SERVANT
(with plates and napkin)
. This is the last time the landlord
will let you have dinner.
    KHLESTAKOV. The landlord, the landlord! I spit on your landlord. What
have you got there?
    SERVANT. Soup and roast beef.
    KHLESTAKOV. What! Only two courses?
    SERVANT. That's all.
    KHLESTAKOV. Nonsense! I won't take it. What does he mean by that? Ask
him. It's not enough.
    SERVANT. The landlord says it's too much.
    KHLESTAKOV. Why is there no