out. Heâd got it all clear now. Heâd get on to it tomorrow morning. Heâd ring up Neill, tell him to combine the two solutions and try that. Yes, try that. By God, he wasnât going to be beaten!
âIâm tired,â he said abruptly. âMy God, Iâm tired.â
And he had flung himself down and sleptâslept like the dead.
He had awoken to find Henrietta smiling at him in the morning light and making tea and he had smiled back at her.
âNot at all according to plan,â he said.
âDoes it matter?â
âNo. No. You are rather a nice person, Henrietta.â His eye went to the bookcase. âIf youâre interested in this sort of thing, Iâll get you the proper stuff to read.â
âIâm not interested in this sort of thing. Iâm interested in you, John.â
âYou canât read Scobell.â He took up the offending volume. âThe manâs a charlatan.â
And she had laughed. He could not understand why his strictures on Scobell amused her so.
But that was what, every now and then, startled him about Henrietta. The sudden revelation, disconcerting to him, that she was able to laugh at him.
He wasnât used to it. Gerda took him in deadly earnest. And Veronica had never thought about anything but herself. But Henrietta had a trick of throwing her head back, of looking at him through half-closed eyes, with a sudden tender half-mocking little smile, as though she were saying: âLet me have a good look at this funny person called Johnâ¦Let me get a long way away and look at himâ¦.â
It was, he thought, very much the same as the way she screwed up her eyes to look at her workâor a picture. It wasâdamn it allâit was detached. He didnât want Henrietta to be detached. He wanted Henrietta to think only of him, never to let her mind stray away from him.
(âJust what you object to in Gerda, in fact,â said his private imp, bobbing up again.)
The truth of it was that he was completely illogical. He didnât know what he wanted.
(â I want to go home. â What an absurd, what a ridiculous phrase. It didnât mean anything.)
In an hour or so at any rate heâd be driving out of Londonâforgetting about sick people with their faint sour âwrongâ smellâ¦sniffing wood smoke and pines and soft wet autumn leavesâ¦The very motion of the car would be soothingâthat smooth, effortless increase of speed.
But it wouldnât, he reflected suddenly, be at all like that because owing to a slightly strained wrist, Gerda would have to drive, and Gerda, God help her, had never been able to begin to drive a car! Every time she changed gear he would be silent, grinding his teeth together, managing not to say anything because he knew, by bitter experience, that when he did say anything Gerda became immediately worse. Curious that no one had ever been able to teach Gerda to change gearânot even Henrietta. Heâd turned her overto Henrietta, thinking that Henriettaâs enthusiasm might do better than his own irritability.
For Henrietta loved cars. She spoke of cars with the lyrical intensity that other people gave to spring, or the first snowdrop.
âIsnât he a beauty, John? Doesnât he just purr along?â (For Henriettaâs cars were always masculine.) âHeâll do Bale Hill in thirdânot straining at allâquite effortlessly. Listen to the even way he ticks over.â
Until he had burst out suddenly and furiously:
âDonât you think, Henrietta, you could pay some attention to me and forget the damned car for a minute or two!â
He was always ashamed of these outbursts.
He never knew when they would come upon him out of a blue sky.
It was the same thing over her work. He realized that her work was good. He admired itâand hated itâat the same time.
The most furious quarrel he had had with her had