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have been loved to the point of near-destruction.
    Jack watched Eddie climb onto a bar stool. How could he move about like that? He was all filled up with sawdust; he'd said so himself. He had no bones, no muscles, no sinews. How could it be possible?
    Jack shrugged and sighed and sat himself down on a bar stool next to Eddie. It was a very low bar stool, beside a very low bar counter, and Jack found himself with his knees up high.
    'Can't we go somewhere else?' he whispered to Eddie. 'This stool's too low for me. I look a complete gormster.'
    'No you don't.' The bear grinned, a big face-splitter. 'You look as handsome as. Get the beers in.'
    Jack sighed again. 'Where's the barman?' he asked.
    'Howdy doody, what'll it be, sir?' The barman sprang up from beneath the bar counter, causing Jack to fall back in alarm.
    'Control yourself,' said Eddie as Jack stared, all agog. 'It's only Tinto, the barman.'
    Tinto was clearly mechanical, powered by a clockwork motor. He was formed from tin and glossily painted, though much of the gloss was now gone. His head was an oversized sphere, with a smiling face painted on the front. His body was a thing-a-me-oid [1] painted with a dicky-bow and tuxedo. The arms were flat, though painted with sleeves and shirt cuffs. The fingers of the hands were fully articulated.
    Jack glanced at Eddie, who was staring covetously at those fingers.
    'Howdy doody, what'll it be, sir?' said Tinto once again. The painted lips didn't move. The voice came from a tiny grille in the painted chest.
    'I..." went Jack, 'I..."
    'Beer,' said Eddie.
    'Coming right up,' said Tinto. 'And anything for the complete gormster?'
    'He'll have a beer too,' said Eddie. 'And he's my friend and he's paying.'
    'No offence meant,' said Tinto.
    'None taken,' said Eddie.
    'There was too,' said Jack.
    'No there wasn't,' said Eddie. 'Just relax and drink beer.'
    'I.D.,' said Tinto.
    'What?' said Eddie.
    'I.D. for the gormster. He looks underage to me. Under-aged and oversized.'
    'Underage?'
Jack's jaw dropped.
'Oversized?'
His face made a frown.
    'I run a respectable bar,' said Tinto. 'Top notch clientele, as you can readily observe. I can't have blue-faced, stocking-footed ragamuffins coming in here and losing me my licence. You'll have to show me your I.D. or... I... will... have...' Tinto's voice became slower and slower and finally stopped altogether.
    'What's happened to it?’ Jack asked.
    'Him!'
said Eddie.
    'Him,' said Jack.
    'Run down,' said Eddie. 'He needs rewinding. 'I generally take advantage if this happens when I'm alone with him in the bar. Nip around and help myself to a free beer.'
    'Do it now then,' said Jack.
    'There're too many folk here now. But he loses his short-term memory when he's rewound, so just back me up.'
    Jack shrugged. 'Fair enough.'
    'Nellie,' called Eddie, 'Nellie, a winding needed here.'
    A dainty doll with a huge wasps' nest of yellow hair hastened along behind the bar counter, turned Tinto around and began to vigorously crank the key in his back.
    'See his name there, on his back?' said Eddie, leaning over the bar counter and pointing it out to Jack.
    Jack perused the barman's back. 'It doesn't say Tinto,' he said, 'it says Tintoy. The "Y" has worn off.'
    'You're right,' said Eddie. 'But don't mention it to Tinto. He thinks it makes him special.'
    Jack opened his mouth to speak, but didn't.
    'Thank you, my dear,' said Tinto, his head turning a semicircle. 'Almost ran right down there. Now, what was I doing?' His body revolved to catch up with his head.
    'You were pulling two beers for us,' said Eddie.
    'Was I?' asked Tinto.
    'You were,' agreed Jack. 'You'd just scrutinised my I.D. and commented on the fact that I looked young for my age.'
    'Did I?' said Tinto.
    'You did,' said Eddie. 'And we'd just paid for the beers.'
    'You had?' said Tinto.
    'We had,' said Jack. 'Edclie did. With a gold piece. But we haven't had the beers yet and Eddie hasn't had his change.'
    'So sorry,' said Tinto. 'I'll get right