hours, and between every song Corey and I were afraid to do any talking. The entire time it was incredible. Then we went out into the hall and tried not to freak out too much.
At that point, I would say Ash felt like one of us.
WES,
punching a wall
: yeah
COREY,
punching himself
: yeah
ASH: fuck yeah guys
COREY: heeeeerrrrrrrRRRRNNNNNNNNNN
WES: i know this is gross but it feels like we all just had sex with each other for three hours
COREY: i can never play jazz again
ASH: fuck jazz
WES: to continue to play high schoolâtype jazz would be a catastrophic mistake for us
COREY: the very thought of having to play another two weeks of jazz with the many herbs of this camp is making my dick retreat into my body like the head of a turtle
[
a hyped-up silence during which corey punches himself again
]
ASH: so actually that was the first time iâve ever gotten to play those songs like with a band and everything
COREY: no
WES: what?!
ASH: iâve just never had anyone to play with
COREY: fuck you! thatâs not even possible!!
WES: youâre telling us Trees Are Eating My Dad Right Now, for example, youâve never gotten to hear that song played by a band before
ASH: no. i mean i tried to play it with one of my sisters on piano once, but that doesnât count
COREY: that probably sounded like ass
ASH: it did sound like total ass
WES: that song could work with guitar and piano if your sister had a certain kind of approach but it sounds like she did not
ASH: she plays like you gave billy joel mittens and a concussion
WES: daaaaaaaamn
COREY: real talk
[
a silence in which everyone is thinking something different
]
[
the silence intensifies
]
[
he has been suppressing them pretty hard but wesâs hyper-developed hater reflexes finally kick in
]
WES: so just,
COREY:
ASH:
WES: i mean, uh
COREY,
with growing irritation
:
ASH:
WES: i mean that was as good as we thought it was, right?
COREY: oh goddamn it wes
WES: what
COREY: wes. why would you
even say that
WES,
babbling like a maniac
: itâs just that i just want to be prepared in case we listen back to it and it turns out we were being dumb or naive or whatever because i mean it was definitely good but what if it wasnât
as good
COREY: you have to stop talking immediately
WES: okay
COREY: if you keep talking i am going to commit an atrocity against you
WES: okay but letâs just listen to it and make sure
COREY: no
WES: what
COREY: no. we canât listen to it in fear
WES: oh
COREY: we can only listen to it when youâre no longer at risk of hating on it
This was a tough thing to hear. Because I was, deep down, preparing to hate on it. But I figured Corey was, too. Heâs even more of a hater than me.
We were at kind of an impasse, and fortunately Ash was there to break it.
ASH: letâs listen to it after dinner
WES: okay great
COREY: whatâs for dinner though
8.
COREY LITERALLY EATS HIS TONGUE AND ASH LEARNS THE TRUE MEANING OF GARFUNKEL
Dinner at Bill Garabedianâs Jazz Giants of Tomorrow Intensive Summer Workshops was an array of steamed meats and vegetables that looked and tasted like we were getting them secondhand. There was also a pasta bar way off in an abandoned corner somewhere. Corey filled an entire bowl with sauce and drank it as if it were soup.
At first we were mostly silent, ignoring our gross food and gazing around the room in secret triumph at these other jazz kids in their various jazz-camp-hierarchy postures: the alpha kids sitting in too wide of a stance; the beta kids hunched over, intensely making Important Points; the gamma kids slumping around all demoralized.
We were feeling completely superior to these kids who were too chickenshit to throw a tantrum and walk out on jazz camp band practice for basically no reason.
ASH: oh my god this food sucks dick
WES: i feel like someone pre-licked all of these zucchinis
[
ash chuckles again and wes feels a happiness so