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learned about a new technique, it makes me feel more excited about trying it.
     
I have for years gone in search of positive images and words that have helped me raise my sexual self-esteem. On Our Backs and movies like Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels helped me realize the beauty and eros of my body and my desire, as well as books such as Stone Butch Blues, Doing It for Daddy, and The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Also, my experience and conversations with a few caring lovers have provided opportunities to explore my sexuality and push my edges.
    Practice
    This is obvious! The more sexual experience you gain, the more confident you’ll be when it comes to pleasing yourself or a lover.
After doing it alone so much, I now have the confidence to masturbate in front of my partners, and I get off seeing them become aroused by this. I’ve learned how to satisfy a man and I enjoy being told that I give the “best sex he’s ever had.” I am not prudish so am willing to act out fantasies.
     
When I changed from being a “get on, get in, get off, get out, get gone” kind of a guy, to one who allowed his partner to use every tool and every inch I had, I forgot about how small I was and started enjoying the journey rather than the destination. I became a woman’s dream, because all the focus was on her climaxes, her self-esteem, her fulfillment—that lead to her fulfilling my desires.
    Older people often comment that age has given them experience and perspective that allows them to more fully enjoy their sexuality.
Age has had a significant impact on how I feel about myself. While I am less svelte than I used to be when I was younger, as an older woman, I feel sexier than I ever did as a young woman.
     
I’m not a “hardbody.” I’m older and out of shape, but I devote all my energies to making love-making extremely enjoyable for my partners. I’ve learned that even an older guy that’s far from a “10” can seriously satisfy women if he puts his partner’s enjoyment first.
     
Age to some people is a bad thing, but it brought me a new sense of freedom. My self-esteem is better these days for a lot of reasons, and yes my sex life is one of them. I am less afraid to try new things.
    Communication
    Learn to be a vocal lover. Give your partner specific compliments—on technique, appearance, or attitude—and enjoy the results. His or her self-esteem will blossom, and you’ll undoubtedly have a more eager lover on your hands. And remember, the more you give, the more you get!
My partners’ reactions have had a lot of influence on me. When he went down on me, my first lover said, “You smell funny and taste funny.” It’s taken me a long, long time to get over that one. In contrast, my second lover boosted my sexual self-esteem a lot by telling me enthusiastically how much he liked the way I smelled and tasted, the sounds I made, everything.
     
Little comments are good for me. People telling me I’m a good kisser, that I give good head. A “wow” now and again. Just this morning my boyfriend was rubbing his hands all over me, saying how soft my skin is. It’s also good to be recognized as a sexual person outside the bed. My boyfriend whispering, “You’re so sexy” in my ear when I’m washing dishes.
    Nonverbal communication is often just as effective:
I get a boost listening to the sounds my girlfriend makes as I am pleasuring her. Or the way she touches me as I touch her. The look on her face as her eyes glaze over when it’s getting intense. Watching her does it for me.
    Adventure
    Sexual risk-taking can get you out of a rut and help you discover new facets of your sexuality, which will ultimately boost your self-esteem.
Learning what I like through masturbation, coming out as (mostly) lesbian, and having sex with women—these have given me more confidence about my body and helped me be more assertive about what I like and what I don’t.
     
I have been into BDSM for several years and the