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do we deserve? Won’t too much lead to dependency? Disease? A bad reputation? This fear can play itself out in our sex lives in many ways—perhaps we don’t masturbate as often as we like, or we feel selfish having more than one orgasm, or we don’t ask for what we really want to avoid the risk of sounding greedy. Even if you are well-informed about sex, you may still find it a bit overwhelming to confront the sheer amount of pleasure you’re capable of having. You may unconsciously find an abundance of pleasure intimidating and wonder if there must not be something wrong with feeling so good.
    We can’t wave a magic wand and erase centuries of social conditioning, but we would urge you to be conscious of these underlying influences. A lot of our customers are so accustomed to the notion of sexual deprivation that they become alarmed at how easy it is to feel good with sex toys. A common concern is, “If I buy this vibrator, won’t it ruin me for regular sex?” What an interesting concern! After all, no one refuses to bake a chocolate mousse cake on the grounds that it might “ruin” them for apple pie—more likely, you’d leap at the chance to expand your dessert repertoire. Our experience suggests that increased sexual pleasure doesn’t lead to anarchy, the destruction of your relationship, or the degradation of family values. Instead, the more pleasure you have, the more pleasure you’re capable of having.

    Confidence Boosters
    Nothing boosts your self-image like confidence. How do you gain sexual self-confidence? The same way you gain anything else worth having—practice, determination, feedback, study, and some risk-taking. You’ve got to want good sex badly enough to work for it. Here are a few suggestions.
    Sexual Agency
    Identifying as a sexual person who deserves a life full of rich, glorious, and endlessly satisfying sexual encounters is vital to your sexual self-image. If you believe you’re not worthy of good sex, others will sense this too. If you wait around for others to bestow great sex upon you, it may never happen. Be active, articulate, and selfish when it comes to your sexual desires.
I feel lucky that I grew up during the reign of Madonna. I truly credit that woman for helping me be the sexually aggressive and sexually unashamed woman I’ve become. I was about 8 years old when Madonna first appeared on the scene and I’ve been a fan since then. She made it perfectly clear that her sexuality was important and that it should be respected. I really took that to heart. I don’t expect a partner to be solely responsible for my sexual pleasure. I’ve been using vibrators since I was 18. I know how to please myself.
     
I’m mature enough to understand that I shouldn’t settle for less than what I want, or expect others to settle for less than what they want. And I stick with people who accept me for who I am.
     
When my partner is sexually aggressive and her desire to touch me is evident—that makes me feel sexy and beautiful.
    Resources
    Remember those teachers who told you, “no question is too stupid”? Take this to heart when it comes to satisfying your sexual curiosity. Sexual ignorance is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of; it’s not as though you flunked a standardized test somewhere along the way. Most of us receive a negligible amount of sex information in our youth, yet suddenly when we reach “the age of consent” we’re supposed to know how to please ourselves and our partners. Where are we supposed to have gained this expertise? Certainly not from our peers, who are fumbling around in the dark as much as we are. Use resources. Many books, videos, and websites today offer excellent sex information. Or you may find that an approachable relative, older sibling, friend, therapist, or knowledgeable sex partner can provide enlightening advice.
I always feel more sexually confident when I feel knowledgeable. So if I’ve just read a book or talked to a friend and