Read The Girl Who Couldn't Smile for Free Online

know what to do with my hands during the lulls I would previously have filled by lighting up. The swing offered a convenient substitute.
    ‘How do you think we’re doing?’ I asked, when she was seated alongside me.
    ‘I’m bowled over,’ she said.
    Tush was a pretty girl, but seemed to be constantly in a state of nervous exhaustion. I had noticed that she rarely made eye contact when she spoke, and thought that the swing would make conversation easier for her. ‘How so?’ I asked.
    ‘I can’t remember how long it’s been since we had a morning like this one,’ she said, leaning back to make the swing move. ‘It’s been so … peaceful!’
    ‘I’d love to be able to claim credit for that,’ I said, ‘but it’s purely down to the fact that we dropped two major changes on the gang in one go – me, and the painting.’
    ‘Maybe,’ she mused. ‘I kind of think they want to change, though. It’s like they’ve been waiting for an opportunity.’
    ‘I know what you mean,’ I said. ‘My boss, Tristan, always says that a child who is acting out really just wants to know that the adults around him care enough about him to make him stop. I think that’s probably true.’
    ‘So maybe we can make these children see that we care,’ Tush said, her eyes closed as the swing moved lazily in the mid-morning heat.
    ‘Maybe. It’d be nice to think so.’
    ‘You want to hear a secret?’
    I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see me. ‘Sure.’
    ‘Sometimes I hate working at Little Scamps.’
    ‘So why don’t you leave, get another job?’
    She sighed a deep sigh, as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. ‘I spent three years getting a degree in early-childhood studies, then another year doing a course in special-needs education. That’s four years in college.’
    I said nothing. Even I could do those maths.
    ‘What kind of an eejit would I be if I ended up working as a waitress after all that time studying? My parents would kill me.’
    ‘I spent much longer than that in college, Tush, and more than a year playing music in pubs not too long ago when the job started beating me up too much.’
    She smiled weakly. ‘It does beat you up, doesn’t it?’
    ‘Sometimes, yeah. And when that happens, it’s okay to take some time out. We have to look after ourselves or we’d get swallowed up, and there’d be nothing of us left.’
    That smile again. ‘Yes. Sometimes I think I might disappear altogether. It’s as if I’m being eaten up, a little bit at a time, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.’
    I knew that sensation. Most people who work in social care long term have experienced it. ‘It’s okay to ask for help, Tush,’ I said. ‘The very best resource any of us have in thisgame is our colleagues. Have you talked to anyone about how you’re feeling? Susan, maybe?’
    She turned and grinned at me. ‘I’m talking to you.’
    I grinned back. ‘Yes, you are.’
    I was making a mental note to set up regular staff meetings – several staffing issues required addressing, not least of which was that we needed at least one other person to cope with the children we had – when we heard Susan calling. I could tell by her tone that this was an emergency.
    ‘I’ll go,’ I said. ‘You keep an eye on this bunch.’
    When I got inside, everything seemed normal and peaceful enough. The walls were nearly finished (Susan had been going at them vigorously with a roller) and I saw no signs of destruction or damage. Then I spotted Gus and Milandra.
    ‘I only took my eyes off them for a second,’ Susan said sheepishly.
    ‘Well, it looks as if that’s all it takes,’ I said.
    They were covered from head to toe in paint. It was like looking at two miniature ghosts.
    ‘Do we have enough white spirit?’ Susan asked.
    ‘You’ll be pleased to hear that this paint is water-based, so all we need do is stick them in the bath,’ I said, trying not to laugh. ‘Some of the smaller tins will