Read The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) for Free Online Page A

woke up. What would I say? What would he say? No, it was better this way.
    But I couldn’t shake the words he’d said before we fell to sleep. Why does this feel right? Because it had felt right. Call me crazy or screwed-up or just plain wrong, but being in Ryan’s arms last night had felt right.
     

Chapter 6
     
    WHEN TANNER PULLED into the driveway, he cut the engine, ran his hands around the wheel, and stared straight ahead. He was about to give me the third degree; I’d seen that pensive look before. If Chase or Colton had turned up, they would have wasted no time giving it to me, but not Tanner. He preferred the silent treatment, the calm before the storm. I wanted to bail, to retreat to my room and sleep off the night before, but I didn't. Instead, I found myself trying to dodge his imminent attack.
    “Look, Tanner, it was one night. We're both trying to come to terms with losing him. I can't explain it, but last night, I needed him.”
    There—I'd said it.
    But as the words left my mouth, a little voice inside my head was scolding me for making Ryan sound like nothing more than a convenience.
    Tanner sighed beside me, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “I don't like it, Jeanie. He's not like Lucas, and you know that. The whole damn town knows that. I don't want you to end up more hurt than you already are.”
    I reached across the stick shift and laid my hand on his. “Tanner, Lucas is gone. My best friend in the entire world died. That's not going to go away anytime soon. I know I have to process and find a way to move on”—the words stuck in my throat—”but I need to do it in my own time.”
    “And Ryan?”
    I shrugged. He still didn't understand. Hell, I didn't understand. “I'm not a baby anymore, Tan. I can look out for myself.”
    I left Tanner and went inside, prepared for what would no doubt be another interrogation. Except when Mom appeared in the hallway, she simply said, “Get some rest, Mila Jean. We'll talk later.”
    Who was I to argue with her? I headed to my room and shut it all out.
    ~
    As the water cascaded over my skin, tears slid down my face and disappeared into the stream. Everything was a mess. Was this what losing someone did to a person? As the question played in my head, I pictured his face, letting the painful memories overtake me.
     
    Smiling and carefree, Lucas held out his hand for me, coaxing me down to the water. “Come on, Mila, it's warm, I promise. Would I lie to you?” He pouted and flashed his puppy dog eyes in my direction; the ones he knew I couldn't resist.
    “Fine, fine.” I took his hand and followed him to the water’s edge. “But if we get hypothermia and die, I'm holding you responsible, Lucas Gordon Gennery.”
    He laughed, and I basked in the sound. HIs laugh made you want in on the joke just so you could laugh along with him. Infectious.
    “Seriously, you're so melodramatic. A little water isn't going to harm you, Mila. Besides, we leave for college in three weeks. Everything is changing. We have to make the most every second we have left in Radeno.”
    My hand slipped from his, and I stilled. Lucas turned back as he frowned. “Mila?”
    “I don't want things to change.”
    Lucas stepped closer to me, taking my hands in his. He stared down at me, his deep eyes and bright smile pinning me to the spot. “Life changes, Mila. We can't escape that, but I promise I'm always here.” He pulled up one of our joined hands and placed it over my heart. “I'll always be in here. Four years. And then it's the rest of our lives.”
    I nodded and forced a smile, and Lucas laughed softly before pressing a kiss to my forehead. He pulled away, winking at me. “Now, last one in buys dinner.”
     
    By the time I climbed out of the shower, I was emotionally spent. Reliving my last summer with Lucas was a mistake, but once I let the memories in, they crashed over me with more force that the water raining down on me from the shower jets.
    I changed into some