âMy brother failed his placement test. He didnât get a job. What if . . . I canât bring myself to do what needs to be done in this world?â
âYou mean the killing,â she says. I nod. âSuck it up. Itâs the way it is, and there ainât gonna be a sister for you to protect if she starves to death.â
I stumble back, avoid another punch. âIt wonât happen. My momâs got rations, too.â
Trace stops for a breath. âYour mommaâs a nut case, you know that? She wonât live much longer, Iâm betting.â
I punch her in the stomach. âYou donât know anything about my mother.â
âNice hit.â She takes a few steps backward and laughs. âPeople talk about your mother. Sheâs crazier than a bat thrown to daylight. Everyone says sheâs twisted as a thorn bush inside that head of hers.â
I slam into her and throw her to the deck. I punch her once in the nose, but before I get a second hit, she launches me sideways. She scrambles to her feet and we circle each other.
âYou fight like my father,â I tell her.
âYou fight like a pathetic little girl,â she growls, and then sheâs tripped me again. I fall backwards, my head slamming into the warped floorboards. She plants her foot on my throat so I couldnât move even if I wanted to. And thereâs that look in her eyes again. Iâm about to die. I close my eyes.
âLook at me.â
She crunches her foot down on my windpipe, so I canât breathe. I open my eyes and stare up at her.
âIf you want to live then make me a promise,â she says, tears in her eyes, âthat youâll fight like hell, every day. Youâll learn to kill, and youâll learn to love it. Because if you donât, youâll end up like your brother. Youâll end up like me.â
She presses my windpipe, so hard I start to see stars. I flail my arms, try to grab her leg and pull it away from my throat, but sheâs too strong.
âIf you stay soft, the way you are, then everything and everyone you love will be dead. And it will be your fault.â
The world is turning black around the edges.
âPromise me, Meadow.â
I canât answer her. I canât speak because thereâs no air. So I drop my arms. I surrender.
Trace pulls away, and finally, I can breathe.
âYouâre strong enough to beat me,â she says. âYou just donât want to. You donât have the guts. Get up.â
We spar until the sun starts to sink in the sky. She shows me how to throw a better punch, how to dodge certain types of kicks. She shows me where to punch a man so his airway gets blocked, and where to kick him so his legs stop working. She shows me where to stab a person, right through the back, so that the blade sinks into the heart.
âThink of your sister. Think of what youâd do to the person who slit her throat.â
I finally knock Trace down to the deck.
She smiles.
âIâm sorry,â I say.
She places her palm on the bloodstained deck and falls apart. She sobs and I sit beside her quietly and wait until her tears run dry. I put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her, the way my mother does for me, but she whirls, punches me in the jaw and scrambles to her feet.
âGet the hell away from me!â she screams. âEveryone close to me dies!â
I leave without a word. I dive into the waves and swim home, and by the time I make it onto my boat, Iâm crying. My father yells at me, and Koi smirks, but I donât care.
I could have died today.
Trace could have killed me, but she didnât.
Instead, she showed me what my life would be like without my family.
She gave me proof, a reason to be strong.
Chapter 15
M y father takes me to shore alone in the morning. âWeâre going to the city today,â he says, as we hide the dinghy.
âWhat are we doing there?â I