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“My brother failed his placement test. He didn’t get a job. What if . . . I can’t bring myself to do what needs to be done in this world?”
    â€œYou mean the killing,” she says. I nod. “Suck it up. It’s the way it is, and there ain’t gonna be a sister for you to protect if she starves to death.”
    I stumble back, avoid another punch. “It won’t happen. My mom’s got rations, too.”
    Trace stops for a breath. “Your momma’s a nut case, you know that? She won’t live much longer, I’m betting.”
    I punch her in the stomach. “You don’t know anything about my mother.”
    â€œNice hit.” She takes a few steps backward and laughs. “People talk about your mother. She’s crazier than a bat thrown to daylight. Everyone says she’s twisted as a thorn bush inside that head of hers.”
    I slam into her and throw her to the deck. I punch her once in the nose, but before I get a second hit, she launches me sideways. She scrambles to her feet and we circle each other.
    â€œYou fight like my father,” I tell her.
    â€œYou fight like a pathetic little girl,” she growls, and then she’s tripped me again. I fall backwards, my head slamming into the warped floorboards. She plants her foot on my throat so I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. And there’s that look in her eyes again. I’m about to die. I close my eyes.
    â€œLook at me.”
    She crunches her foot down on my windpipe, so I can’t breathe. I open my eyes and stare up at her.
    â€œIf you want to live then make me a promise,” she says, tears in her eyes, “that you’ll fight like hell, every day. You’ll learn to kill, and you’ll learn to love it. Because if you don’t, you’ll end up like your brother. You’ll end up like me.”
    She presses my windpipe, so hard I start to see stars. I flail my arms, try to grab her leg and pull it away from my throat, but she’s too strong.
    â€œIf you stay soft, the way you are, then everything and everyone you love will be dead. And it will be your fault.”
    The world is turning black around the edges.
    â€œPromise me, Meadow.”
    I can’t answer her. I can’t speak because there’s no air. So I drop my arms. I surrender.
    Trace pulls away, and finally, I can breathe.
    â€œYou’re strong enough to beat me,” she says. “You just don’t want to. You don’t have the guts. Get up.”
    We spar until the sun starts to sink in the sky. She shows me how to throw a better punch, how to dodge certain types of kicks. She shows me where to punch a man so his airway gets blocked, and where to kick him so his legs stop working. She shows me where to stab a person, right through the back, so that the blade sinks into the heart.
    â€œThink of your sister. Think of what you’d do to the person who slit her throat.”
    I finally knock Trace down to the deck.
    She smiles.
    â€œI’m sorry,” I say.
    She places her palm on the bloodstained deck and falls apart. She sobs and I sit beside her quietly and wait until her tears run dry. I put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her, the way my mother does for me, but she whirls, punches me in the jaw and scrambles to her feet.
    â€œGet the hell away from me!” she screams. “Everyone close to me dies!”
    I leave without a word. I dive into the waves and swim home, and by the time I make it onto my boat, I’m crying. My father yells at me, and Koi smirks, but I don’t care.
    I could have died today.
    Trace could have killed me, but she didn’t.
    Instead, she showed me what my life would be like without my family.
    She gave me proof, a reason to be strong.

Chapter 15
    M y father takes me to shore alone in the morning. “We’re going to the city today,” he says, as we hide the dinghy.
    â€œWhat are we doing there?” I