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hand.
    Taking a deep breath, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, hitting the speed dial without even looking. My thumb knew who I needed.
    “Hi sweetie! Well, how did it go?”
    I sniffed when I heard how proud she sounded, knowing it was going to turn to disappointment in the next few seconds. “I failed, Momma. I got a fifty-four on my test.”
    She sighed, and I pictured her sitting on the steps of our back porch taking a break from working in the yard as she talked to me.
    “I’m sorry, JJ. I know you’re upset. Can you talk to your professor to get some extra tutoring or something to help you understand what you got wrong? Is there a study group you could join?” she asked gently.
    I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. She didn’t understand. Mom never went to college; she dropped out after the sixth grade to help her parents and because of the way our life turned out, she could never change that fact. But she never let limitations set by others stop her from learning. She always sat with me and Kevin when we did our homework so she could learn with us, and Dad always encouraged her, never making her feel ignorant because of her lack of a formal education.
    My mom was one of the bravest and smartest people I knew, but she didn’t understand the pressure I was under. College was so hard on so many levels. I’d been here two weeks and I still didn’t really know anyone. My roommate stayed with her boyfriend more times than not at his apartment across town, and my classes were filled with teens going wild with their first taste of freedom from parental rules and curfews. I had a few people I talked to in class, but making friends was always a slow process for me. It took me a long time to open up, but once I did then everything was fine. It was just going to take a while.
    “JJ, talk to me, sweetie,” Mom coaxed. “What are you really upset about?”
    I didn’t want to tell her I was still having nightmares and that I occasionally got a creepy feeling like someone was watching me. I didn’t want to tell her I thought someone had been in my room. Nothing was taken and it could easily have been my roommate just moving things around. That would only make her worry needlessly, so I stuck to my school problems.
    “I’m not cut out for this, Momma. It’s too hard. I thought this was what I wanted; to leave home, be a grown-up, and make it on my own without you or Dad being my safety net,” I confessed. “But I’m not strong. I’m not a grown-up. I’m just a stupid country mouse and I have no business being here. I should’ve stayed home and gone to school with Kevin and my friends. I wanna come home. Will you come get me?” I cried.
    “Jayden Ann White!” she scolded. “Now you listen to me. You’re not stupid. You are so incredibly beautiful and smart. You’re just in a new situation and it’s going to take some time to find your way.”
    I could almost feel her arms holding me, sheltering me from the world like she’d done every day of my life. I could feel her love flowing through the phone. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but going away to school was the best thing for you. You needed this to help you discover who you are.
    You’re so strong, Jayden. Look at everything you’ve accomplished through the years. You were valedictorian. You earned a scholarship to college. You have so many friends who love you.”
    “I know, but it’s just so hard.”
    There was a shuddering sigh before she continued softly. “Jayden, you’ve overcome so much. Not many people could survive what you have. Only someone with your strength could do it. Never give up on yourself and never let anyone, including you, make you feel small and weak. We love you and you know if you really needed to come home we’d be there in a heartbeat, but you don’t. You’ve just had a bad day and you’re homesick. The holidays will be here before you know it and you can come home. Then you and I