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cleaver that night and we hardly saw each other
for the rest of the holidays. He didn’t call to spend time with me,
and when I called the house, he was never home. The few times I did
see him, there was no more brotherly teasing, no more headlocks and
noogies.
    I was accustomed to a cool distance and lack
of communication between me and my parents, but suddenly I was
facing that same guarded expression from my brother, and I began to
wonder if the problem was with me .
    Did I feel some sort of contempt for every
member of my family? Did they sense it and respond as any normal
person would? If you believed someone disliked you, wouldn’t you
withdraw from them? If they treated you with mistrust, wouldn’t you
give up trying to be close?
    Was that why I was estranged from my family?
Was it me ?
    So I made an extra effort to hug Rick a
little tighter than usual at the airport on the day he left.
    “I’m sorry about what happened on Christmas
Day,” I said quickly in his ear. “Let’s forget about it, okay?”
    We stepped back and a look of relief washed
over his face. “No apologies,” he said. “She’s a great girl. You
were right to be possessive, and if I did anything out of line, I
apologize. You know me. I can’t help trying to charm the
girls.”
    I chuckled and looked down at my shoes.
“Maybe you should go to flirting rehab.”
    He laughed, too. “Yeah. And listen, hang
onto that one,” he said as he started to back away. “She’s a
keeper.”
    I looked up. “Don’t flunk out when you get
back to class,” I said.
    “I’ll try not to.” He turned and waved a
hand over his shoulder. Then he was gone, and I experienced a
sudden pang of loss as a vivid memory flashed through my mind��of
Rick and me building a snowman in front of our house. I was only
five or six. He helped me push a giant snowball up the slope of the
driveway.
    As I turned away from the entrance to
security and walked through the wide corridors of the airport,
another random memory came to me. I remembered a night when our
parents had gone out and left us home without a babysitter for the
first time. We ate too much junk food and an hour after we went to
bed, I woke up with a stomach ache. Rick fetched me a glass of
water and stayed at my side, assuring me it would pass. The sick
feeling did pass, and eventually I fell asleep.
    He was a good brother when we were children.
Now he was gone and somehow I knew he would never return to the
east coast to live. Life would carry us in different directions. I
would remain here while he would pursue a career in California. And
of course he would be wildly successful.
    Little did I know that I would see him again
far sooner than I expected.

Chapter Fifteen
     
    A few days after Rick left, I began to
detect subtle changes in Angela’s personality. She went to bed
earlier, grew less talkative, and seemed to have lost the quirky
sense of humor I found so attractive.
    Depression wasn’t something people discussed
as often or as openly back then, but even if it was, I’m not sure I
would have considered it a possibility. All I knew was that my
girlfriend had retreated into a shell for some reason I couldn’t
understand and I missed her. I wanted her back.
    “Want to go to a movie tonight?” I asked her
on the phone when I arrived home to an empty apartment after work.
That was unusual for a Friday. Instead of coming to my place, she
had gone to her parent’s house.
    “Not tonight,” she replied. “I’m not feeling
that great.”
    “Is everything okay?” I asked. “Are you
sick?” I paused for a moment, then sat on the sofa. “You seem
down.”
    “I’m just tired,” she replied. “They’ve been
giving me too many early morning shifts. I think I need to catch up
on some sleep.”
    “All right. Why don’t you get some rest and
give me a call tomorrow?”
    “I will,” she replied.
    The following day, my phone never rang.
    Nor did it ring the day after that.
    * * *
    On Monday