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recently become romantically involved with someone, and all of a sudden they stop returning your calls. Your brain goes into all sorts of possible explanations, obsessing about why they’ve gone silent. Haven’t you ever felt that you’d rather get a definite “It’s over” than never know the cause of their silence? Even though the answer would be a rejection,
at least then you’d know
.
    For many of us, a state of doubt or uncertainty is an uncomfortable place to be. Robert Leahy, director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy, says his patients often report they would rather receive a negative diagnosis than be left in suspense, even though the uncertainty would still allow hope of a positive outcome.
    Our inability to tolerate uncertainty carries multiple costs. It can cause us to make premature decisions. It can handicap us in negotiations, leading us to reveal more than we should as we scramble to fill the silence, unable to bear the uncertainty of not knowing what the other person is thinking. And most important, it can lead us to feel anxious. Anxiety is a serious drawback to charisma. First, it impacts our internal state: quite obviously, it’s hard to be fully present while you’re feeling anxious. Anxiety can also lower our confidence. Anxiety, low presence, and low confidence can show up directly in our body language, as well as reduce our ability to emanate warmth.
    Yet if there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that uncertainty isn’t going away. Considering the ever-increasing pace of business and technological advances as well as unforeseeable economic upheavals, uncertainty and ambiguity will be an increasingly present factor of our daily lives. Those who are better at handling it will gain a distinctive advantage over others.
    Imagine you’re dealing with a difficult situation whose outcome isuncertain. You envision a variety of ways it could play out, and you strategize how to best deal with each. So far, so good. Once you’ve thought through each scenario, the rational, reasonable, logical thing to do would be to put the situation out of your mind and go about your day until action is actually required.
    But how many of us have felt our minds going over the different outcomes again and again, rehashing the various plans we’ve made, replaying possible scenarios, mentally rehearsing the upcoming conversations not just once or twice but ad nauseam?
    In the weeks leading up to his meeting with Paul, Tom’s mind started spinning out different possibilities. First, he imagined a positive outcome and explored all the ramifications this would have. He thought about whom he’d want to call, and in what order, to bring them into the project. But what if the answer was negative? His mind started to unfold the sequence of actions that would follow: how he would explain the verdict to his boss, how he would tell his team, and so on.
    For the next three days, Tom realized both scenarios kept popping up in his mind, his brain replaying the strategies he’d planned for each eventuality. As he drove to work, he caught himself rehearsing the conversation he’d have with his boss to explain the rejection. During work, he would suddenly realize he’d been aimlessly staring out the window, daydreaming about how he’d announce the win to his team. Tom knew he was ignoring other pressing matters. He tried to stop thinking about the situation, but his mind just kept returning to the possibilities again and again.
    The reason Tom couldn’t let go is that our minds are fundamentally uncomfortable with uncertainty. The minute our brain registers ambiguity, it flashes an error signal. Uncertainty registers as a tension: something that must be corrected before we can feel comfortable again.
    Our natural discomfort with uncertainty is yet another legacy of our survival instincts. We tend to be more comfortable with what is familiar, which obviously hasn’t killed us yet, than with what is unknown or