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said. I picked up my hat. "Beats me."
    Natalie squawked. "Wait, don't you see? Herman needs a hand. He's blackmailed Billy into helping him." She took off. "Come on, let's go!"
    I jogged along behind her. "Natalie! Where are we going?"
    "I don't know," she said.
    "What do you mean, you don't know?"
    We hustled onto the playground.
    "Wait, we can't just keep running," I said. "We've got to figure out where they are."
    "Well, duh," she said. "So where could they be—inside the gym? Behind the bleachers? In the parking lot?"
    We started across the grass toward the gym. "Slow down and let me think," I said. "Football players ... football players..."
    Suddenly it hit me.
    "Wait, Natalie!" I said. "That funny drawing I found in Billy's desk. It's Herman's plan for wrecking the football game."
    We stopped beside the gym and I fished out the drawing. Now it made sense. Sort of.
    The Xs and Os were the football players. The
M
was ... I didn't know what the
M
was. And the Zs were Herman and his friends coming out from under the bleachers, onto the field.

    "Natalie, we've got to get out to the football field. They're attacking the team from underneath the bleachers."
    Natalie just stared at me with an odd expression on her face.
    "Chet," she said. "I have a funny feeling."
    "That's what happens when you eat worms for lunch."
    She shook her head and pointed behind me.
    Something big stepped around the corner. I could tell because the sun went out. I smelled something like funky old sweatsocks dipped in rotten eggs.
    I turned around.
    "Looking for me?" asked Herman the Gila Monster.

17 He Ain't Heavy, He's My Monster
    I looked up at the Gila monster. He wasn't so big. Just twice as tall as me. He wasn't so wide. Just wider than an ice-cream truck.

    And he seemed friendly. He showed me all his white fangs in a big grin.
    "Looking for me, peeper?" he asked again.
    "Well, actually, I'm looking for Billy." The day was sunny, but my knees knocked together. "Have you seen him?"
    Herman grinned wider. "Billy?" he said. "Search me."
    "Well, if you see him, let me know," I said. "His sister is worried."
    Natalie and I started backing away from Herman. We weren't scared. Just careful.

    "See you later," said Natalie. We backed up some more and bumped into the Rat Sisters.

    "Boss, these guys know too much," said Rizzo.
    "No, we don't," I said. "I flunked my last history quiz."
    They weren't buying it.
    I sighed. "So what are you up to, anyway?"
    The Gila monster grinned again. His mouth was a dentist's dream—if you could fix those crooked teeth without losing several fingers.
    "Heh-heh-heh," he chuckled. "I got something on you, Chet Gecko. But I promise I not tell, if someone keeps her bargain."
    "Enough about me," I said. "Let's talk about you. What are you planning for that football game?"
    Herman scratched his knobby head while a thought crossed his mind. It was a long trip.
    "No dice, Gecko. You will try stop us if I tell."
    "How about a hint?" said Natalie.
    Herman looked down at her. "Silly bird, we have fun with football players," he said. "Kickoff is first surprise. Then our little friends."
    Natalie looked at me. I raised an eyebrow. Of course—that wriggling sack from the dump. That must be the "little friends."
    "When we done, even mascot will wish it never been born." Herman chuckled. "Game will be ruined. Coach will cry."
    "Tell the truth," I said. "Aren't you just a little bit sore that they kicked you off the football team?"

    The Gila monster growled. "Enough smart talk, Gecko. We tie you up now, so you not spoil fun."
    I nodded at Natalie. She dodged one way, I dodged the other. But the Rat Sisters blocked our escape. Herman snatched one of us in each huge fist.
    "Gotcha!" he said. "Now hold stiU, unless you want love bite?..."
    I eyed his poisonous fangs and shook my head.
    Herman grunted. "Bright boy. Bring rope, Rizzo."
    Herman carried us to the swimming pool. He sat on us while he tied our hands and feet. Right