you're going to pull a particular job, then nobody's in a position to rat on you. Any trouble you fall into is either your own damn fault or the luck of the draw.
Now I certainly wasn't worried about Craig setting me up. There was little chance of that. But he liked to talk, accustomed as he was to all those immobile ears, and who could say when it would seem like a good idea to talk about the clever job he and good old Bernie Rhodenbarr had pulled on sluttish Crystal?
Ahem.
Then how did I wind up in the very same Crystal 's apartment while someone was stopping her heart?
Good question.
Greed, I guess. And perhaps a portion of pride. Those were two of the seven deadly sins and between them they'd done me in. The Gramercy Park apartment sounded as though it would yield a sizable score with minimal risk and no special security equipment to overcome. There are no end of apartments every bit as easy to get into but most of them contain nothing more valuable or portable than a color TV. Crystal Sheldrake's place was a prime grade-A target, the only drawback being that Craig would know about my role in the deal. With the state of my bankroll what it was, which is to say slim indeed, this objection gradually paled to the point of invisibility.
Pride came into it in a curious way. Craig had gone to great lengths to talk about what a groovy thing it was to be a burglar, how it was adventurous and all, and while that may have been largely a buildup to that Like you, Bernie punch line, it still was not without effect. Because, damn it all, I guess I see what I do as glamorous and adventurous and all the rest of it. That's one reason I find it impossible to stop making surreptitious visits to other people's residences, that plus the fact that the only job for which I have any training is making license plates, and you have to be behind bars to pursue that career.
A thought occurred to me, although not until later. I may have known all along I was going to go for the deal. I may have acted reluctant in order to keep the World's Greatest Dentist from expecting too much in the way of a finder's fee. I don't think I was aware of that aim, but aware or not it worked pretty well. I don't know what Craig may have had in mind to ask, but in the course of talking me into changing my mind his percentage dropped to a fifth of whatever I netted when the take was fenced. Now that was eminently fair, considering that Craig got to sit home in front of the television set, never fearful of being shot or arrested in the name of justice. But he was an amateur, and amateurs rarely have a sense of proportion about these matters, and he could easily have wanted as much as half if I'd been eager from the start.
No matter. When he got down to twenty percent I suppressed an urge to see just how far down he'd go-he obviously wanted her to lose the jewels more than he wanted his own share of the proceeds. And I caved in and told him I'd do the dirty deed.
"Fantastic," he said. "Super. You'll never regret it, Bern."
Even then, I wished he hadn't said that.
I stayed in the dental chair. Craig went off, doubtless to boil his hands before facing another patient, and in no time at all Jillian took over. I was encouraged to lean back in my chair again while she picked and poked at my teeth and gums, liberating tartar, scaling, and doing all the unpleasant chores that come under the heading of dental cleaning.
Jillian didn't talk much, and that was really all right. Not that I had anything against her conversation, but my ears were due for a rest and my mind had thoughts to play with. At first the thoughts centered upon the Crystal Sheldrake apartment and how I would endeavor to knock it off. I was not entirely certain that I should have said yes, and so I did a certain amount of arm-twisting on myself, building up my resolve, telling myself it was like finding money in the street.
These thoughts, while undoubtedly useful, ultimately gave way to thoughts
Now I certainly wasn't worried about Craig setting me up. There was little chance of that. But he liked to talk, accustomed as he was to all those immobile ears, and who could say when it would seem like a good idea to talk about the clever job he and good old Bernie Rhodenbarr had pulled on sluttish Crystal?
Ahem.
Then how did I wind up in the very same Crystal 's apartment while someone was stopping her heart?
Good question.
Greed, I guess. And perhaps a portion of pride. Those were two of the seven deadly sins and between them they'd done me in. The Gramercy Park apartment sounded as though it would yield a sizable score with minimal risk and no special security equipment to overcome. There are no end of apartments every bit as easy to get into but most of them contain nothing more valuable or portable than a color TV. Crystal Sheldrake's place was a prime grade-A target, the only drawback being that Craig would know about my role in the deal. With the state of my bankroll what it was, which is to say slim indeed, this objection gradually paled to the point of invisibility.
Pride came into it in a curious way. Craig had gone to great lengths to talk about what a groovy thing it was to be a burglar, how it was adventurous and all, and while that may have been largely a buildup to that Like you, Bernie punch line, it still was not without effect. Because, damn it all, I guess I see what I do as glamorous and adventurous and all the rest of it. That's one reason I find it impossible to stop making surreptitious visits to other people's residences, that plus the fact that the only job for which I have any training is making license plates, and you have to be behind bars to pursue that career.
A thought occurred to me, although not until later. I may have known all along I was going to go for the deal. I may have acted reluctant in order to keep the World's Greatest Dentist from expecting too much in the way of a finder's fee. I don't think I was aware of that aim, but aware or not it worked pretty well. I don't know what Craig may have had in mind to ask, but in the course of talking me into changing my mind his percentage dropped to a fifth of whatever I netted when the take was fenced. Now that was eminently fair, considering that Craig got to sit home in front of the television set, never fearful of being shot or arrested in the name of justice. But he was an amateur, and amateurs rarely have a sense of proportion about these matters, and he could easily have wanted as much as half if I'd been eager from the start.
No matter. When he got down to twenty percent I suppressed an urge to see just how far down he'd go-he obviously wanted her to lose the jewels more than he wanted his own share of the proceeds. And I caved in and told him I'd do the dirty deed.
"Fantastic," he said. "Super. You'll never regret it, Bern."
Even then, I wished he hadn't said that.
I stayed in the dental chair. Craig went off, doubtless to boil his hands before facing another patient, and in no time at all Jillian took over. I was encouraged to lean back in my chair again while she picked and poked at my teeth and gums, liberating tartar, scaling, and doing all the unpleasant chores that come under the heading of dental cleaning.
Jillian didn't talk much, and that was really all right. Not that I had anything against her conversation, but my ears were due for a rest and my mind had thoughts to play with. At first the thoughts centered upon the Crystal Sheldrake apartment and how I would endeavor to knock it off. I was not entirely certain that I should have said yes, and so I did a certain amount of arm-twisting on myself, building up my resolve, telling myself it was like finding money in the street.
These thoughts, while undoubtedly useful, ultimately gave way to thoughts
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