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idea how hard it is to pretend to be happy for your best friend when
she
is the reason your heart is breaking? It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done — even harder than the time I got stuck having to help my eighty-seven-year-old great-grandma fasten her bra, which has, like, fifteen hooks. And it’s really hard to fasten them, by the way, when you’re closing your eyes and trying to imagine that you are somewhere — anywhere — else.
    But I had to pretend to be happy even though what I really wanted to do was call her a boy stealing FBF (
F
ormer
B
est
F
riend, not to be confused with BFF). I wanted to hate her. But I couldn’t. Tabbi had no idea that I liked Evan, and telling her now would only make her feel bad. Plus, it wouldn’t change anything. He still liked her . . . not me.
    Why hadn’t I told her how I felt about Evan during one of those LONG conversations when she was blabbing about Alex? WHY? WHY? WHY? Tabs wouldn’t have looked twice at Evan if she knew I liked him.
    I will be the Spinster of Spring Valley Middle School. I’ll be voted Most Likely To Die Alone
.
I’ll be the eternal bachelorette, without an entourage of good-looking guys rounded up by television producers for me to pick from.
    Tabs talked on and on about how great Evan is. She didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t talking. It gave me a chance to compose myself, but shouldn’t she have noticed that her BFF was silent? Yes! She should have! I finally found my voice enough to ask if she was
sure
she didn’t still like Alex. I wish I hadn’t because she said, “I thought I did. But Alex was just an illusion of love. Evan is the real thing. I don’t think I’m really Alex’s type. I was wasting my time.”
    Great.
Now
she figures this out. I didn’t know whether to scream or puke. I think if you do both at the same time, your head might explode or something. I might give it a shot though. At the moment, I’d prefer an exploding head to an exploding heart.

Thursday, January 11
First period
    When I got to school, Tabbi and Evan were all pretzeled together, before the first bell even rang. I’m going to try to go home sick.
Third period
    Mrs. Hill said I didn’t look sick to her. I had to go back to my seat.
Lunch
    Spending whole lunch period in library to avoid cafeteria! Yesterday it would’ve thrilled me to sit near Evan. Not today.
    Only guy in the library is Jonah Nate Stewart. He has a big stack of Civil War books spread out on a table. Last year it’d have been Revolutionary War books. His dad’s a captain in the Marines, which explains his haircut and love of war books but not his body.
    He’s here. I’m here. So here it goes — even though the thought that I might end up with someone like Jonah Nate is depressing.

    Oh no. Jonah Nate just caught my eye and is motioning for me to come look at something. This could be worse than watching Evan and Tabbi at lunch.
Ten minutes later (Seemed like an hour)
    Before I even reached Jonah Nate’s table, he was spouting facts from the book he was waving in his hand. “Hey, Kara, did you know that the
Hunley
was the first successful combat submarine?” he loud-whispered, even though there was no one else around. “And it was powered by men? And that it sank off the coast of Charleston, South Carolina, with all eight crew members still on board?”
    I shook my head, pulled a book from the shelf, and tried to look absorbed by page 72. Jonah Nate didn’t take the hint.
    â€œAnd one of the men, Lieutenant Dixon, carried a lucky gold coin that had saved his life in the Battle of Shiloh? The coin was given to him by his sweetheart. You could still read the words he’d carved into it when they recovered it from the
Hunley
over a hundred years later!”
    That got my attention. Was the powerful golden coin a gift from Dixon’s soul mate? I pointed to