Read The Big "O": A Romantic Comedy for Free Online Page B

face red and sweating, almost looked on the verge of tears. What were the guys talking about?
    Max juggled his child and felt irritation that this evening—instead of being the kind of fun get-together that the six of them used to have—was a bit torturous. To be fair, they were adults now, building families, well, except for Edwin and Isis, and they now had a lot more responsibility than they ever had.
    Still, growing up was turning out to be a kind of shitty, stressful deal… no wonder his dad had always been so stressed out and such a crab. He thought of all those times when he or his sister would ask his dad for the car, gas money, or some cash, without giving a second thought to whether or not his dad could afford it, and he felt a burst of compassion for his father. I've been a selfish little prick, he realized.
    “Bouef,” baby Max said happily and Max could have cried from the stress.
    “You think you got problems with Juliette, Vic?” Max said.
    He interrupted Victor’s monologue about some top-secret issue, that he really didn’t have a handle on, maybe bedroom issues, because he just couldn’t take it anymore. The money. The book. The baby. All too much. He decided to unload on his friends.
    “That's nothing. You can learn to please your woman, but I'm seriously up the creek,” Max said. He balanced and turned the baby around, so that he could keep his grip while at the same time covering his baby’s ears. Victor, miffed to be interrupted, and the always unflappable Edwin, turned to listen to Max’s words.
    “My kid's handing me my ass in the language department, I don't even want to speculate about latent math abilities which have yet to emerge,” Max said flatly and surveyed his back yard. Right away he noticed that he'd forgotten to fix the patio pavers, that the landscaping was looking especially tired and sad, and that their patio furniture, including the umbrella, was old and out-of-date.
    “Are you for fucking real?” Victor asked.
    He was so surprised that his own concerns fled his mind. He could immediately understand the issue, hell, half the time he felt stupid around Juliette. Sure, their IQs were probably pretty similar but she used hers in ways that were so obviously much more practical and meaningful. Her research in human brain development could break new ground and benefit all of humanity.
    Meanwhile, he used his intellect to maximize investment returns on the stock market, all from his home computer, and enjoy modern pop culture's finest entertainment. He literally sat around in his boxers most days, keeping one eye on the market and the other on his current video game, film, TV series, comic book or whatever. When the time was right, he'd make a trade, buy or sell, and eat cereal while the money flowed in.
    “Vic, no swearing around the little dude. You know that,” Edwin said.
    “His ears are covered,” Victor replied.
    “He reads lips,” Max said sternly. Victor, impressed, moved to the other side of the Bar-B-Q and stood at an angle so that baby Max couldn't see his mouth.
    “No shit?” Victor mouthed to Max. Max nodded and frowned.
    “But he's not even in school, yet,” Edwin said calmly with authority, as if that negated what Max had stated about his toddler. Max rolled his eyes and Victor felt his sympathy grow. Obviously, Edwin was ignorant of how human intellect evolved.
    “He's learning French and English naturally, from exposure I guess, and I'm pretty sure he can count. He's been learning sign language since birth, because we chose to teach him. He'll probably outpace me in a couple years,” Max said solemnly.
    Victor and Edwin looked from Max to baby Max. Victor noticed that the girls seemed to have nearly finished setting up the rest of the food on the patio.
    “I’m just guessing really,” Max said, “My own intelligence is probably high average… so maybe he’ll blow me away when he’s closer to five or six. Who knows, really?” Max's face